#they really helped make 2020 bearable

[suckerforcate]

Left Behind

Pairing: Moiraine Sedai/Reader

Word Count: 2020

Warning: implied sexual activity

Summary: Moiraine left for the Dragon Reborn without saying goodbye or an explanation. Three years later she's back in the Tower.

A/n: I know it's been a long time since I've posted, but a lot happened. In Uni and my personal life, so I didn't have too much time. I'm sorry. I hope you like it. Request: @lovequinnin (I hope its kind of like you wanted it <3)

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You rounded a corner in the Tower and suddenly stood right in front of Lan. For a dreadful second you just stared at him before slowly walking backwards around the corner and fleeing.

If Lan was here, Moiraine wasn't far.

Everything inside of you screamed to go to her. To ask how she'd been, hug her, kiss her. But she had hurt you once, and you didn't want her to do it again. Even after three years, it still hurt. Every day. Every moment. You wouldn't be able to live through that a second time. It would break you, completely and irrevocably. So you just kept your distance.

Which was harder than it sounded. The Tower was big, but not that big. And being a part of the brown Ajah, sitting in the library all day definitely didn't help, when Moiraine needed something from the Library every day.

The first day it was inconvenient, but it wasn't unusual. Everyone needed to go to the library sometimes. The encounter was awkward but bearable. She left as fast as she had come. You barely looked at her, politely but coldly giving her the book she needed. Politely but coldly asking if she needed anything else. And politely but coldly saying goodbye, turning around and going back to work.

The second day it was simply annoying. You dreaded seeing her more often just because she needed a book. You didn't really look up, but just the way she walked, her voice, her presence was enough to make your heart ache.

The fifth day you started to get suspicious. She had come every day for the past five days and everyday it seemed as if she needed a different book. All on topics, that weren't related in any way. It was unusual for Moiraine, she was organised, structured. It didn't fit her way of working.

On the morning of the seventh day you decided to talk to her about it. It was absolutely silly. This game made you go crazy. It was like she wanted to see you hurt. But on this day, for the first time in a week, she didn't come.

Not in the morning, not in the afternoon and not in the evening. It was already dark outside when you left the library, you had stretched your work, secretly hoping she would still come. But she hadn't, and that nearly hurt more than seeing her.

You strolled through the tower absent-mindedly, thinking about Moiraine. You were fighting with yourself. Your heart longed to see her, your brain screamed at you to stay away. To protect yourself, protect your heart.

Apparently the wheel decided to make that decision for you.

As you strolled down the corridor, on your way back to your room, you bumped into someone. You looked up and started an apology, that immediately got stuck in your throat as you saw the face of the person you had run into. It was Moiraine. Of course it was, who else would it be?

You stuttered out a few words, more like sounds, before taking a step back, as you suddenly realised how close you were. You pulled yourself together and straightened up a bit. You dared to look at her, but avoided her eyes. You knew that her eyes would always break you.

"Moiraine." You simply said, voice steady even though you felt your hands tremble slightly.

You saw the corners of her lips rise slightly, her eyes searching for yours.

"(Y/n)." She said softly. You could hear a hint of hope in her voice, a hint of...longing?

"Can I help you?" Your voice was icier than you had intended, but you couldn't pull back anymore. Her smile faded and her shoulders sank just a little bit. Gently she sighed.

"Please, can we talk?" She asked you, voice steady as always. Like it didn’t mean anything to her, at all. You stared at her, speechless. Her voice was steady, so steady she had nearly fooled you. But, just nearly. You sensed how desperate, how helpless she was. Even though she had no right to be. She had no right to be hurt, when she had been the one who had hurt you.

Your mouth opened and closed, your eyes widened a little. You couldn't find the words. So you grabed her arm and pulled her a few metres down the corridor, opened the door of your room and pulled her inside. Thinking about it now, she had probably went to your room earlier, hadn't found you and had just been leaving when you had bumped into her.

"You want to talk? Ok, let's talk." You said, voice filled with rage. Rage that you desperately hoped would hide your pain, would shove your tears down. It was a thin line between rage and hurt.

"(Y/n)..." She started but you harshly cut her off.

"No, you have no right to talk right now. Even coming to the library every single day is just outrageous. You just left. Three years ago, you left. You were just gone one day and never said a word. No letter, no message, no explanation." The words burst out of you, they'd been hidden inside of you for so long. All the hurt, the confusion and the anger just spilled out of you.

You could see the surprise on Moiraine's face, she steped back a little and tried to say something, but you just rambled on. Giving her no room for answers and explanations.

"You left me behind, like all those times together meant nothing to you. Like I meant nothing to you." You abruptly stopped talking as you saw Moiraine's eyes getting wet, her cheeks redden slightly, and her whole body slightly collapsed in on itself.

You wanted to go on, wanted to shout at her, wanted to make her feel everything she had made you feel. But your stupid heart betrayed you, it still beat for her. No words left your mouth. You simply stood there, like you were petrified. After a second you moved again, took a few steps back and sank into a chair.

You rest your head on your hands and looked down, trying hard to keep the tears down. In vain. Just a few slipped out and rolled down your cheeks, but you didn't let Moiraine see them.

You heard her getting closer, slowly, carefully. She stopped, and sighed. As she started to talk, her voice was soft like honey and strong. But it was wavering a bit, just a tiny bit. But you noticed. You'd always notice.

"I'm sorry. I had to leave, it was for your own safety. I couldn't say anything, the Amyrlin Seat forbid me to-..." you cut her off again, though not nearly as harshly as before.

"Since when do you listen to the Amyrlin Seat?" It sounded bitter, but teary.

"Since it meant protecting you." She said. It's raw, full of emotion. Different to what she usually sounds like, and it made you look up. As if to check, if it's still Moiraine who's talking. But it was.

You sighed, the exhaustion of the day and the tears stronger than your rage. For the first time in three years you thought, that maybe she really hadn't meant to hurt you. That maybe she never stopped loving you.

Your voice is quiet, thin as you speak. It's wavering and doesn't sound like your voice. Even to you, it's foreign. You looked down again, not having enough strength to look at her while talking.

"I didn't need your protection. I needed your love. When you left, you took a part of me with you. A part of me I never got back." Your eyes were glued to the floor and a tear falls to the ground. You felt her before you saw her.

She had kneeled down in front of you and gently grabbed your chin between her fingers to lift your head. You tried to turn away, to not lock eyes with her, but her grip was strong. It held you in place, it forced you to look at her.

You saw hurt, pain, regret but most importantly love. Love, like you hadn't seen in three years. Her hand wandered to your cheek and cupped it, softly stroking your skin, wiping a few tears away.

"(Y/n)" she quietly breathed your name. Her name on your lips had always sounded like a promise. Until she broke that promise.

"I'm so sorry for the way I hurt you. It's never what I wanted. Lan had said I shouldn't...but I couldn't risk it. Couldn't risk your safety." The words sounded sincere, like the truth. It sounded, which almost hurt the most, a lot like something Moiraine would do. She had always estimated the value of love far too low. Even if it was her own love, maybe especially when it was her own love.

"Don't you think that should have been my decision?" You asked sadly, smiling bitterly, nearly accusing. She sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, there was determination in them, strength.

"I knew that you would have wanted to come with us. But that wasn't possibly, I couldn't have forgiven myself if... If you'd been hurt." You tilted your head to the side a little, like a curious puppy. Didn't she know? That you would have died for her. You blinked a few times, trying to find fitting words.

"I would have," you replied softly, "I love you."

The tense surprised you both. Of course, you knew that you still loved her, you just hadn't meant to admit that. But she looked at you like she had expected you to hate her. To never feel anything good for her again. Didn't she know? That you'd always love her.

No one dared to say anything, as if it would break the spell. As if it would catapult you back to reality, like this was a dream. You felt her hand still on your cheek, warm and tingling. She doesn't acknowledge it, but she doesn't move it away either.

"Still?" She asked with a thin voice, not much louder than a whisper. Didn't she know?

"Of course. Nothing you could do would ever make me stop loving you."  You saw a tear slowly roll down her cheek. She sucked it up and looked away, fighting against the tears. She slightly shook her head in denial.

"I do. I'll always love you, Moiraine." You gently directed her face back to look at you and dry her tear. Your thumb softly stroked over her lips and slightly parted them. Moiraine's eyes closed and she breathed in shakily.

Slowly, carefully you leaned forward and captured her lips in a kiss. It's a soft kiss, short and careful. It's a question. And Moiraine answerd.

She pressed against your lips, more desperately than you, it nearly felt guilty. Like she wanted to apologise, make up for lost time. Show you, that she cared. That she loved and longed.

You're a little startled by her kiss, but soon you pulled her closer, held her and forgave her. You started taking of her clothes, stood up and draged her to the bed. It was messy, hastily and chaotic. But it was all you needed. Her. By your side.

"I'll come with you." You breathed out quietly against her hair. You were intertwined, under the sheets, arm in arm.

"No, you don't even know where I'm going or what I'm doing." She protested, her voice almost sounded desperate. Desperate to protect you, to keep you safe.

"You won't leave me here again. I'm coming with you." Your voice is steady, calm. You knew you would win the argument, you usually did.

"It's dangerous."

"I don't care. If you'd asked, I would have come with you three years ago." The blunt truth hung in the air. She hadn't left you a choice back then, she had decided for you. You wouldn't let her do that again, and she knew it.

"I'm sorry. We lost so much time together." She whispered softly, and you pulled her closer into your embrace. You placed a soft kiss on her head.

"We'll make up for it."

[acrossthestvrs]

𝘚𝑎𝜈𝑒 𝛭𝑒 𝑎 𝘚𝑝𝘰𝘵

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

“Liam Payne of One Direction died.” My younger brother informed me and my heart sinks.

“What?!” I reply, hoping that it’s just a hoax or my brother messing with me. I grab my phone and quickly google “Liam Payne.” There’s already articles about his passing but I’m still holding onto the hope that it’s not true. I read through the article and it’s confirmed.

“This cannot be true.” I tell myself. Perhaps I’ll wait until there’s an official statement by the other members and his family. Later, my worst fear is fully confirmed as the boys make their tribute posts in memory of Liam Payne. Yet my brain cannot process the truth. “He’ll be okay — he’s got to be. He’s Liam Payne! There’s so much for him to accomplish and live for. This cannot be the end.” I think to myself. My brain and body go numb for the rest of the day after hearing the news. However, my brain is constantly replaying the words, “Liam Payne dead at 31 years old.”

But I cannot cry. It’s like my brain refuses to comprehend the words, ‘Liam Payne of One Direction dead’ because he’s so young and it’s so sudden and he can’t just be gone. Besides, there’s so much more for him to do. This is when I’m entering the first stage of grief — denial. Everyone else around me has continued to do their daily tasks, meanwhile I felt stuck in time.

I feel a knot beginning to form in my throat but the tears won’t come out. “Am I supposed to feel this devastated over someone I didn’t personally know? Is it normal?” I ask myself.

At work, thankfully there’s no small talk being made by my coworkers otherwise I felt like I would’ve definitely broken down then and there. And work goes by smoothly.

As I start making my way back home, my emotions are once again numb. But I don’t dare to play their music — One Direction. Because I know that the second I hear Liam’s voice again, I’m going to break down for sure.

When I get home, the rest of my family is already in bed so I quietly make my way to my bedroom. I once again get my phone and go on TikTok and there’s already fans around the world gathering together and mourning Liam Payne. I look over at the comments and one of them says, “he’s someone’s baby.” I lock my phone and start crying. He’s really gone. And here I was spending the entire day hoping that this is a horrible nightmare or some kind of prank pulled by the media but that’s not the case.

As the days go on, I find myself constantly checking on Liam’s socials somehow hoping that he posts something and tells us that it’s not true. That it was all a misunderstanding and that he’s still alive and well. I also find myself reminiscing when my cousin got me into this British boy band.

“They don’t really catch my attention.” I tell her.

“Just check out their song, “Gotta Be You” she says. “If you don’t like it, I’ll stop bugging you about them.”

“Okay, fine.” I relent and allow her to introduce me to One Direction.

I was sixteen then and she was fourteen. “Their songs are not bad.” I admit and my cousin welcomes me into the fandom. And for that, I’m always going to be thankful to her.

To Liam, thank you for all the memories of my teenage years and for making high school a lot more bearable. You and the boys are what got me through and I’ll forever be thankful for that. Because of One Direction, my cousin and I bonded a lot at school. But most importantly, thank you Liam for getting me through 2020/2021.

Especially 2021. I was in a very dark place mentally and even though at that point, you and the boys were each doing your own thing, you all got me through. Yes, including you Liam. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much. I wish that you would’ve gotten the opportunity to heal and become the best version of yourself. To have gotten the help that you needed and it breaks my heart that it’s no longer possible. I’m so sorry that we didn’t save you like you saved many of us but I hope that you’re in a much kinder, loving place. Whenever you visit the stars, save me a spot beside you for when I join you.

I’ll love and miss you forever, Leroy.

[ginnyrules27]

How do you feel knowing that your fic has a pod fic ? And would you be surprised if Mitchell Hope read your story? Like how you met him?

Honestly, it's one of the most flattering things I could think of. The fact that someone thought my fic and its predecessor are worthy enough to take the time to record, make specific voices for the characters, add the inflections into the dialogue so it's more than just the robotic text-to-speech all of the apps have, and post it on Youtube is definitely not something I ever thought possible.

I know this is going to sound egotistic and I definitely don't mean it to be but PJ Read's podfic of Choosing Love has almost become appointment listening for me and listening to both the Choosing Love and the Choosing Family podfics have helped me fend off multiple rounds of writer's block. I highly recommend their podfics!

As for your second question...not going to lie anon, it would be highly surprising if he read my work or anything I wrote on here. I know he's got a link to my FFN profile but he's a celebrity and I'm well...not. (To make a long story short, I may have sent him a Cameo request back in 2021 because I told myself I'd buy one for myself if I got a decent review at my old job having come off a really bad one and working the whole year with the Pandemic but then my anxiety convinced me that it was weird and so I ended up basically buying a Cameo that thanked him for the happiness he brought the people who love Descendants because I know for me, re-watching those movies made 2020 a lot more bearable. But anyway, I...may have mentioned in there that I write Descendants fanfiction and he seemed interested in the fics so I sent him a DM on IG with my FFN profile. Yes, I am really pathetic at times when my anxiety lets me act like a semi-normal person.)

...wait...Anon, you're not Mitchell Hope are you? Cause if I've just electronically rambled to Mitchell Freaking Hope, I think I'd have to go ahead and just delete my whole internet.

[pabloneighbourhoods]

so i was tagged by @aastraeus tysm, honestly i’ll check your albums cause i don’t really listen to albums as a whole and don’t really know where to start, but here are the albums i listen to the most:

more thoughts down here ↓

first of all, melodrama, a world classic that was robbed of a grammy, supercut is one if not my favorite song ever. forever thankful for lorde.

i found out about if i could make it go quiet through a taylor swift story, which is kinda funny but i lovee this album, im more of a vibe than lyrics kind of person so this one helps a lot even though the lyrics are good. i think if you like melodrama you’ll like this one the most. idk you tell me

future nostalgia is a vibe, it made my 2020 way more bearable and overall a cute/fun album not much to say but it’s good. folklore is such a good album like it’s so nostalgic for me, the way it takes me back to being so nervous about in love idk or that cute feeling like even if is “sad” it makes me see things through a good perspective.

i don’t know why i explained all of this when this is literally like top 40 pop albums but hey, if you read it, thank u <3

tagging @pedrithink @grizoulvr @piastristimtams @percervall @klavertz @joaofelixes , cause i would love to have more recommendations tbh and idk i would like to know more about all of you. <333

if anyone wants to do it, here is the link https://billclintonswag.com/

[saikourobyn]

Japan 2020 - Prelude

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I wrote this over 3 years ago but didn't get around to publishing it anywhere. The first 4 days were written on the plane back from Japan with the rest, Friday 28th February 2020 and onwards, written more recently so may be less detailed.

I was travelling with my friend Oli who has been invited to the wedding of his old friend Hiroshi and his partner Aiko.

Japan has always been somewhere I wanted to visit but due to either a lack of money or feeling like I didn’t know enough of the language or both, I didn’t think I was ready to go and kept putting it off as something to do in the future.

Having now been I can safely say that both of those worries were justified, it was an expensive trip and I definitely didn’t know enough Japanese but it was definitely worth going to confirm this so that I can be better prepared for my next trip.

That’s right, some people want to try new things and go to new places but I just want to go back to Japan and do new things and go to new places there. Our 2 week trip crammed in a lot but I feel that there’s much more to see.

Sunday 23rd February 2020

Home

We started our trip around 1:00 AM, with a taxi ride to the bus station, which was closed at the time so instead it was a bus stop outside of a pizza delivery shop. In an effort to make this trip more affordable, we didn’t want to stay the night in London so elected to take an overnight coach to Heathrow, we met some lovely people at the bus stop who were trying to get to Plymouth but we had a much better destination in mind.

The coach was late and they wouldn’t let me take one of my bags on the coach, so I didn’t have much entertainment other than my phone. I had sort of planned to just stay awake for the whole thing, going as far as staying up late the previous night and getting up later in the morning in an attempt to prepare for or circumvent the jet lag.

This proved to be fruitless as I hadn’t really worked out the time differences properly so I decided to sleep on the coach, it was not the most pleasant journey so not much sleep was had. I think I got to sleep around Taunton so from there it seemed to go relatively quickly. There was an incident with the side mirror of the bus but I was asleep at that point so I only heard the aftermath not very exciting but at last we made it to the airport at 5:35 AM.

London

We definitely didn’t go to the wrong terminal first and fight with the boarding machines which didn’t acknowledge us, we definitely didn’t cry for help to the lovely staff there who may or may not have treated us like loverly people who had been wronged by the system before we came to the realisation that we were indeed in the wrong place. But at least we had scouted out the terminal for when we arrived back in the UK and our flight wasn’t until 9:50 AM so we had plenty of time to get to the right place.

After a spot of duty free shopping, tasty coffee and downloading some last minute podcasts to listen to on the flight, it was time to depart. I always find that I have trouble with the pressure on my ears during the flight but after my trip to New York last year, I found it much more bearable on the larger aircraft, but I was still ready with earplugs, noise cancelling headphones and chewing gum.

I managed to sleep a little, I had picked up a Trtl travel pillow which gave a bit more support than traditional travel pillows, again after my trip to New York I learnt that not having any head support sucked and I didn’t want to start off my trip super sleepy, with New York I found it easy going over there as it was only 5 hours behind you just stay up late the first night then you’re all set but coming back to the UK was much worse.

This time we are skipping 9 hours into the future (with jet packs) and arriving early in the morning so sleeping was a must to get the trip off to a good start. Although this was hampered by the strange need of the cabin crew to feed you every 3 hours, let’s turn on all the lights to wake you up so you can eat this muffin, thanks for that but I’d much rather try and get a bit more sleep.

The food on the plane was a bad sign of things to come, we believed we had pre-ordered a vegan meal but expressing this to the cabin staff resulted in a strange double salad meal, I had already decided that I would take a break from my diet whilst in Japan and this confirmed what I had heard about that veganism isn’t really a thing in Japan yet.

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[yankstrash]

So I start college in the fall... Any general tips on how to like. Succeed and make friends LOL I'm so scared (I'm living on campus btw)

YAS so excited for you!!!!

you came to the right place. (also i am so sorry this took me forever to respond to)

personally i came into college at the worst possible time (fall 2020 aka prime covid) so making friends was difficult but a LOT of people from my high school go to my college so i usually just hung out with them BUT i also made friends with some girls on my floor in my dorm. we had a groupme for everyone on our floor & one night these two girls literally messaged in it & asked if anyone had snacks & my roommate & i were like we do come on over ! & they did and we got super close with them after that! like, hung out every single day & night.

i'd say getting to know people on your floor or just in your dorm is one of the easiest ways to make friends. also talk to people in your classes or join a club! personally i'm not in a sorority but i know that's a good way to make friends. also, mutual friends are very easy to make. i go out on weekends with these 2 girls from my high school & i've met SO many other girls through them that i am now really close with & go out with!!!! there's tons of ways tbh. i'd say people in your dorm & study groups in classes are the easiest ways.

as far as succeeding, you just have to take it one day at a time. seriously. enjoy freshmen year because it's going to be your easiest year & for some people it's their only easy year. i know they're mainly just gen ed classes you have to take but actually try, get your GPA up early & while you're in easier classes that way if you start to stumble a bit with your major classes, your GPA won't take as big of a hit.

STUDY! this isn't high school, you're not going to do well if you don't study. i'm saying this from complete experience. i didn't study at all in high school & i still did decent, but if my study habits were anything like they were back then i'd be on academic probation right now.

my biggest tip for succeeding is to choose a major you really like & are interested in. for me if i'm not interested in what i'm learning about i don't learn. i also hear people all the time say how much they don't like their major & how boring their classes are & i can't help but sit back & be so grateful for the major i chose (i'm a psychology major & there is nothing else i'd rather be doing!). choose something you know you'll like, it will make college so much more bearable & enjoyable.

one more thing, if you're like me & LOVE to go out, find a balance. i've been asked this before on here how i manage going out while still doing well in school, & i said it's all about balance. i usually only go out once a weekend (typically saturday nights), sometimes i will go out friday & saturday but rarely. only if i feel like being an absolute feral menace that weekend (i'm usually just too drained from the week to go out twice or i just want to save $$$). however, if i know that i have a lot of schoolwork to do, i do not go out. the weekend before spring break there was so much fun stuff going on, but i had a LOT of homework so i didn't go out at all. you just need to know your priorities & find a way to balance work & play (i promise it's possible & really not hard) !

that's all i've really got for now but if you or anyone has any more questions PLEASE ask!! i'd love to help out :))

[bb-dot-move-daisies]

I WANNA DO THIS WITH LEVI AND MAIA NOW

mostly bc i need to refresh my memory how their relationship worked in my original run of the sims/and also to kinda develop them more as characters . SO!!!

1. & 2. How did Levi and Maia meet? + How did they get together?

The two of them met in college, but at the time, Levi and KYLIE were still together. Outside looking in, (from Maia's point of view) they seemed rather unbalanced as a couple, but she wasn't one to judge.

As their friendship grew, Kylie, Levi, Maia, and Maia's twin sister, Elana, planned to rent a townhouse together to make college just that much more bearable.

But then, cut to: The Break Up™ , Levi's struggling to unpack his things as he feels kinda weird to be taking up the room he was supposed to share with Kylie all by himself. Wanting to be a good friend, Maia came to comfort him through his feelings—

(and— side detail, this was around 2020, where everyone was inside and there was nothing better to do,) So their relationship became pretty sexual pretty quickly. And then, Maia began to sleep in her own room less and less, Levi began to develop stronger feelings for Maia. And about maybe 1-2 months since their initial consumation(???), they made it official.

3. Who kissed who first?

I wanna say Maia. The breakup brought out a really sensitive side of The Usually Stoic Levi that she had never seen before up till that point, and— she found that really attractive, she couldn't help herself.

4. What's the relationship like? Smooth or Rocky?

In comparison to their previous relationships, these two gel with each other in a way that makes a lot of sense. They're both hard working, they're both equally attracted to each other, they have the same goals and ideals, they look amazing together...So even though it's not perfect, it doesn't take a lot of compromise for them to be together, and I think that makes it Smooth.

(In the Sims, I remember, they autonomously loved each other a lot, and I didn't have to step in and help too much. So that was Cool.)

5. What do they like the most about each other?

Maia likes Levi's mind and persistence. Levi likes the way Maia's attitude— the way she cruises through the hardships of life with so much confidence.

6. Who cleans the most/Who's the messiest?

Maia has the NEAT trait. She's an absolute neat freak, she color coordinates all of her belongings, she always knows where everything is, she keeps an agenda, she smells nice All The Time...

She lives with three college students, man, SOMEONE has to care about dust around here.

And contrary to that— Levi isn't the MESSIEST person, generally, I mean, he is a tattoo artist, so he has to have some level of hygiene drilled into his mind. HOWEVER, in comparison to Maia, he IS still an artist, so...Yeah. Ink and tissue paper everywhere until his work is done.

7. Who cooks?

Maia. She's a culinary student.

Levi can cook too, though. He likes to help, around the kitchen, it's a bonding activity.

8. Who worries the most?

Maia. Definitely. She's actually a very anxious person, she just hides it very well.

9. Who is more jealous or possessive?

Maia again.

10. How do they resolve their arguments?

With Los Angeles Therapist Speak. Like, that, "I hear you, and I value your opinion." "That is great and But I need to live my truth." "At the end of the day" — They fight like CEOs in a hotel meeting room.

11. Who is more physically affectionate?

Maia, I think. I think she's got the higher libido of the two anyway.

17. Do they ever trade clothes?

You know... what's funny is that they're so close in measurements but their aesthetics are so different, they just simply wouldn't look good in each other's clothing. Maia would look too grungy, Levi would look too Clean. And that's just wrong to me. in my mind.

20. Do they give each other nicknames?

Are pet names and nicknames the same thing? If so... I feel like the standard "Babe" passes between them, and then Levi picked up the affectionate word, "Angel" from Kylie.

Maia calls Levi "Leaf" on occassion.

Anyway there's 93 questions here, so i dont feel like doing them all HOWEVER,

31. "Who's the big spoon and Why" is such a funny question. I feel obliged to answer it.

It might be both of them. Hope this helps

Otp Questions

How did they first meet?

How did they get together?

Who kissed who first?

What’s the relationship like? Smooth? Rocky?

What do they like the most about each other?

Who cleans the most? Contrary to that, who is the messiest?

Who usually cooks?

Who tends to worry the most?

Who is more inclined to be jealous or possessive?

How do they resolve their arguments?

Who is the most physically affectionate?

Who has the most nightmares and how do they deal with them?

Who steals the blankets?

Who gets cold the easiest?

Who pays for the food the most, when they go out?

Do they enjoy dancing?

Do they ever trade clothes?

Do they ever go swimming together?

Do they ever cook together?

Do they give each other nicknames?

What do they like when going out for food?

What movies do they enjoy watching most?

What do they do when they’re bored and together?

Have they dedicated songs to each other?

How do they comfort each other when one of them is scared?

Have any pets? (If not: would they get any?)

What is their ideal vacation?

How often are roadtrips?

What do they do after a hard day at work?

Do they attend any clubs or formal parties together?

Who is the big spoon and why?

What are their morning rituals?

Do they go to sleep at the same time as each other?

What do they do when the other is stressed?

How do they spend time if the other is gone?

Do they enjoy going camping together?

Thoughts on PDA(Public Displays of Affection)?

Thoughts on each other’s friends?

Would they ever get married?

Thoughts on kids?

How’d they meet each other’s families?

Thoughts on each other’s family?

Favorite family member of their lover? (Example: Lover 1 enjoys Lover 2’s mother the most)

How are the holidays spent?

How are birthdays spent?

What do they like the least about each other?

What are the dates like?

What was their most memorable date?

Who loves flower crowns more?

Who makes the best flower crown?

Who is the one who likes to cuddle?

Who has awful taste in music?

Who is the better dancer?

What do others think of them dating?

Are they a super sappy couple?

How did they get together?

Who stays up too late and makes stupid jokes?

Do they have similar taste in movies?

Who has better fashion sense?

Who will punch someone out if they are rude to their partner?

What songs do they sing together in the vehicle?

What other couple would your otp get along with the best?

Who is the one who loves to take pictures?

What would they dress up as? (for Halloween)

Who loves kids more?

Do either of them have a crazy ex?

Who is the forgetful one?

What do they do for Valentines Day?

Who has the better comebacks?

Who is the hopeless romantic?

Who can rap better?

Do either of them want to go sky diving?

What do they usually text about?

Is either one confrontational?

Who are their favourite musical artist(s)?”

What are their parenting styles?

Do either of them have secrets even the other doesn’t know?

What is their favorite photo of them two together?

What movie did they see together?

What do they love about each other the most?

Who is the one that sees the big picture, while the other focus’s on the small details?

What is an inside joke they have?

Who makes the other smile with almost no effort at all?

What is their favourite game to play together?

Who accidental sets something on fire?

Who’s concert would they go to?

Do one of them sleep talk? If so, what do they say?

Who would get up on stage and make a fool of themselves just to make the other laugh?

How old were they when they got together?

Who is the one that would bring the puppy home?

What is their song?

What does their room look like? (If they shared/have share one)

Who makes the other breakfast in bed?

[phoebedcart]

ʚїɞ

thanks for letting me disappear it has been beautiful...like a little plant nov.10,2023 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 #digitalart the year 2020 was really a year where God said, "everything's gonna change from here." (i am writing this now in 2024) i remember i was on a rooftop crying when i felt those words deep in my chest. i was scared. i didn't want to let go. i struggled for a long time before i could fully understand it. slowly i started to let go of the things that are not aligning with me anymore. walked the path of the unknown. not really sure where to go, but somewhere. i left my apartment in the city, i left my first church too. i moved to places until i settled in a new place that was offered to me. and that is where i settled to quite a while - like a little seed buried underneath the soil. i've started to connect with new people. and although they were helpful relationships i wasn't ready for it. so held on to what's familiar and comfortable. i didn't want to get out of this slumber, i thought. so i asked them if i could not join them for a while. this is the second time i've asked people to let me go. i was in pain and in confusion and i wasn't ready to talk about it. so i did what was easy and bearable for me at that time. looking back i know that my decisions may have been wrong because it lead me to places that were not beneficial to me. but i was thankful for people allowed me to be on my own without really totally abandoning me. i keep them in my heart's treasure.

the illustration above depicts this journey that i had. though it may look lonesome and downcast, i was happy to be where i was because i knew i needed it. it is part of life, i guess, to be buried? and rise again when time comes. the little butterfly represents the light that was with me the whole time i was in darkness. checking up on me, making sure i'm still alive. it's beautiful.

[iammionmi]

Don't you look at me in that tone of voice!

Firstly, for anyone who caught yesterday's little offering.....hi! I made it, here I am, Mrs Consistency in the making!

Just needed to get that one out there before diving into musing on a topic/subject/lesson which has been preoccupying me for some time, namely acceptance. Outrageous Acceptance.

I know, I know....but please don't look at me like it's a dirty word, because as uncomfortable as this one is, it can be all the difference. It can be the deciding factor in one's future, one's happiness, one's ability to face the world and keep going.

The problem is that acceptance is one of those character traits that is developed by, well, by enduring those 'character-building' trials and tribulations that make acceptance necessary!

....which means that the development of OUTRAGEOUS ACCEPTANCE has necessitated a whole load of unacceptable things to happen in my life to teach me depth upon depth of how acceptance goes.

and in my opinion that sucks. big time! What perhaps sucks more is that my reluctance to accept certain things in my life has only prolonged the misery and that if I had maybe managed to integrate this life lesson in a more timely manner, I wouldn't be sitting here having just turned 40, once again reassessing the derelict landscape following my previous attempt at building a life being razed to the ground. yet again.

You see, I have been here, or somewhere like it more times than I care to think about.....there is far too much to go into and this list is far from exhaustive, just to give you a flavour of my adult life really....from my first domestic violence relationship when I was 17, having my first child born 12 weeks premature due to the violence within that relationship at 18 all the way through failed marriages (3), depression, PTSD, loss of career due to an accident at work injuring my back, domestic violence again 2017-2020 where I was kept in sub human conditions like an animal, and yet again 2021 a brief but terrifyingly violent relationship which also cost me thousands through financial abuse, I have lost my house, my car, my money, my career (debatably my sanity!), am still awaiting CPS clearance to prosecute my ex for the violence in 2021, have had businesses fail, every attempt to re-invent myself or better myself has come to nothing, have had various health complications to deal with and have single parented for most of the 21 years I have been a parent and I have never been an adult without being a parent (my first child is now 21, my two at home are 10 & 11),now suffer from complexPTSD and other trauma issues ....and that's just a fraction of things. I used to drive myself to distraction with how unjust and unfair it was that i was just having to repeatedly suck up things that were unacceptable. That no one would be ok with.....because they're not OK.

SO what's with the acceptance thing? I have been told repeatedly that acceptance (much like forgiveness) is not saying that what happened is OK......so why does it seem like that's pretty much EXACTLY what is being asked of oneself if one is to accept unacceptable circumstance or incidents.

but it's not. I know that now....and this is what makes the kind of OUTRAGEOUS acceptance i find myself practicing today, possible. Acceptance is not saying that what happened is OK. It IS saying that It Happened.

It Happened. That is the reality, nothing and no one can ever change that no matter how much I, or anyone else, may want to. Nothing can make it better because nothing can make it not have happened...i may have ideas of what I think might make it more bearable, might fantasise about how things might have gone, or how a need for validation might be met to help with closure, but nothing can change that it happened. that didn't stop me putting a whole load of time and energy into doing anything and everything I could possibly think of to try to make things be different....or at least not allow them to be real.

sometimes there is no closure, sometimes there is no validation, sometimes it really is a total loss. sometimes all that energy and upset has to be reabsorbed within oneself, and one just has to sit with it. to keep on sitting with it.

in those moments outrageous acceptance is born. acceptance that all that is is, and all that is not is not. no attempt, no desire even, to try to seek relief through the validation of others/the justice system/sweet revenge.

Just a deep knowing that what will come, will come; that what will go, will go: and that after it all I will still be.

...and that will do for me.

[benjisbento]

Hello! I am just a random person who stumbled across your wonderful beautiful art of a Warforged and a Triton in love, and I want to know the story behind it! Please, do tell~

Omg hello there ;v; Sorry it took me a couple days to see this!!!

I guess there are sorta two stories: their canon story, and the story behind the art specifically (which I guess is technically not “canon” lol), which I guess would have to do more with the inspiration behind it

But I will literally yell and cry about these two all day any day tbh

So a bit of backstory, Torin “Squash” Buckler is my triton tempest cleric and B0B is my friend a co-player’s warforged barbarian (I don’t know shit about barb subclasses and honestly have no idea which one he is lmao). We started our campaign in Feb at I think 3rd level with something like ten players split between two groups. Some players played in both groups and had two PCs, and then some players dropped out and we combined into one group with six players, all of whom eventually made second characters so we essentially had two parties (that mixed up every now and then) and it has been WILD (all 12 PCs were together very briefly and hearing other players roleplay with themselves was a fucking delight). They’re all part of a group of mercenaries called the Hedge Knights, who ended up getting control of a small Hold by defeating its ruling lord and are currently trying to stop an apocalypse.

Anyway, Squash is kinda a dick, and pretty early on he learned that he didn’t have to actually walk anywhere if he asked B0B to carry him, because B0B is very nice. They pretty quickly formed a ride-or-die relationship. At one point in their travels, they were up against a paracidic fungus that was killing anything it attached itself to, and that’s when they came upon a wode (which they lovingly called Baby Treant) that was infected. Knowing how dangerous the fungus was, and how low the wode’s chances of survival were, Squash voted to just kill it immediately. B0B defended it (and ultimately found a way to cure it!) and that, surprisingly, was when Squash realized that...oh no... I think I love him? B0B carried the wode around in a baby bjorn for a while, and it eventually made its home at their HQ.

A lot of their initial attraction go each other was made in jest (B0B would smash something really hard and I’d joke that Squash was turned on, or Squash would explode something with lightning and B0B’s player would say the same), but it grew into a fierce mutual protectiveness between the two, to the point that Squash will only really willingly heal B0B (what a shitty cleric!) and B0B will fight anyone on Squash’s behalf.

Their relationship moved to the next stage when B0B went into a solo fight in a gladiator-like arena. Squash produced a matching set of platinum rings as he cast Warding Bond, essentially lessening the damage B0B would take in battle, but also taking on some of that damage himself (and as a squishy cleric, well... that’s a lot!). B0B viciously won that fight, but it was still pretty intense.

They were in a party that explored an underground temple and were trapped down there for a while, B0B finding remains of other warforged but no real hint to his own past. Squash comforted him through that with a patience he showed for no one else, and with empthy that no other party member was able to show.

Their journeys continued and Squash felt called by his deity to destroy a cursed mask one of the other party members carried. B0B had promised fo protect the mask, and Squash didn’t want to make him go against his word, so after a complicated series of events, Squash and the other member left the group together and Squash was able to make his attempt without putting B0B in a tough position. Since the mask was magically linked to the other party member, there was a chance that destroying it would also destroy him, and even knowing this, Squash tried anyway. It didn’t work, but now fearing for his life, the other member fled.

Squash began to curse his deity for sending him on this stupid quest and pulling him away from B0B. He felt that he had spent years asking his deity for purpose, and then once he was beginning to find happiness instead, his deity stripped that away.

While apart, the Squash and B0B had a shared dream, tho how much they realized it was shared is still unclear. In it, Squash weilded the stormy powers of his god and was presented with a figure on a seaside cliff. B0B found himself on top of a cliff, praying for Squash’s protection. Using the powers he had, Squash struck the figure, and B0B was embued with power, somehow eternally bonding their very souls together. Upon waking, many miles apart, they both felt their bond to the other grow, and could even sense the direction in which the other was. In a weird way, they were now married. The first time B0B introduced himself as “B0B Buckler” I shed a legitimate tear.

They’ve been through other trials since, but have been the other’s rock through it all. The party has split and rejoined and every moment spent away from each other has been terrible. Currently in-campaign, they find themselves underground once again, at the sight of the forge believed to be the source of the impending apocalypse, and possibly the source of some answers about B0B’s past.

Through the campaign, they’ve pulled each other out of darkness, and in the event that they don’t survive, I’m confident that they’ll at least go down togethed. Tho the dream is for them to retire from this mercenary life and travel the seas together. Squash was raised as a pirate, but B0B has never even seen the ocean. It’s the life they deserve.

Oh yeah, and Squash 100% has Ceremony prepped so that he can, at some point, offially wed them abd get all the good juicy bonuses. Saving that for before the BBEG tho

The art itself tho is based on the song All I Ask Of You from Phantom of the Opera. And how that inspiration came about it actually a really stupid story. My roommate and I were playing the newest Pokemon SwSh dlc and he made some joke about how one of the new Pokemon had some serious Phantom vibes and I was like “lol ur right” and realized I hadn’t watched or listened go PotO in a while, so I was listening to the soundtrack during my commute to work, and was apparently in an extremely sappy mood, and when that song came up, Squash and B0B were all I could thing about. And while breaking up the lines by which character actually sings them doesn’t quite make sense, there is a lot of both Christine and Raoul in both Squash and B0B and many of the lines could come from either of them. Anyway, I then also rewatched PotO (2004) and based their outfits off Raoul’s and Christine’s during that song. Also in my little PotO universe, Squash’s deity is 100% the Phantom and there was a concept for this with him lurking ominously in the background, but I opted for the lighter, happier version.

So yeah, it doesn’t necessarily depict something that happened in their canon, but the sentiments are there. The running joke in all the art of them together seems to be that Squash’s feet are NEVER on the ground lmao Which is kinda a Crime because they have like a 2+ foot height difference that I LIVE for

Anyway thank you so much for asking and I hope their story is everything you hoped it would be. Sorry if it seems a but disjointed, but retelling bits of D&D campaigns without going into too much un- or semi-related detail is wild lmao

[dailytomlinson]

We thought we loved Louis Tomlinson and his big heart enough already, but our king keeps proving us wrong every day. We can easily say he is the reason why we wake up with a smile on our faces. And quite recently, the Chorlton-based band, Maruja, did too.

On Saturday, Maruja’s van was broken into, and £6000 worth of gear and equipment were stolen. Louis Tomlinson came across their GoFundMe page and made a generous donation of £4000 to the fundraiser. He even reached out to the band on Twitter and followed them. Thanks to him, the band has raised much more than their goal and can recover their stuff much sooner.

We’re joining Louies worldwide in penning down a we-are-so-freakin’-proud-of-Louis speech (like any other day in Louienation)! What an angel! And this is not the first time Louis Tomlinson has come forward to help, raised awareness, and warmed our hearts. Here are 5 recent occasions where he proved what an absolute gent he is.

The Away From Home Free Festival And Global Livestream

Louis played his first headlining festival mere days ago, giving us all a show we will never forget! Entirely curated by himself, Louis made tickets for this event completely free, simply wanting for us to enjoy our first live show back after the pandemic. The one-day festival hosted nearly 8500 fans, at Crystal Palace Bowl, London. Needless to say, Louis Tomlinson’s gesture made our hearts feel prouder than ever, and we will never shut up about it.

Days later, he put out a Livestream of the same event, along with a mini-documentary, from which we are still recovering. Letting us in on his journey to a career-defining moment with the Away From Home Festival, Louis did not miss any chance to acknowledge his fans as the driving force behind him. Laying down his vulnerabilities and sky-rocketing his way through, being vocal about the undeniable support he receives from his team and us, Louis once again made sure he made this feel like home! He calls us a “passionate bunch,” but let’s take a moment to thank him for being so passionate about his music, his people, and his fans.

Donation To The Fundraiser For 16-year-old Noah Cosby

Earlier this year, Louis Tomlinson liked a tweet by the Aston Martin Cognizant F1 Team that posted a GoFundMe page for Noah Cosby, who suffered a devastating dirt bike accident. The accident led him to break his back in two places causing paralysis from the chest down. Louis went on to make a generous donation of £5,000 to help Noah with his emergency surgery and intense physiotherapy to be able to walk again.

Following his noble gesture, more people and fans from all over the world joined in. They started sending Noah love and best wishes and helped surpass the initial goal of £110,000. You can support Noah’s fundraiser by donating to the Cosby’s GoFundMe page here.

Louis Signing “Singer” For Isabella’s CelebSign Of The Week

On 9th July 2021, 15-year-old signer Isabella posted a video of Louis Tomlinson signing the word “singer” in sign language. While it is adorable enough to watch on repeat, small gestures like this go on to show how Louis has a way with them to uplift people and make them feel special, included, and loved. Surely enough, his one video raised ample awareness and encouraged people to learn sign language!

Louis met Isabella, who learned sign language to help her little brother Lucus who has Down Syndrome, on the BBC One Show back in January 2020. He has also appreciated her signing videos, where she teaches sign language for communicating and even signs complete songs. It appears as though they have stayed in contact since then.

Louis Tomlinson’s Historic Live From London Charity Concert

12th December 2020 marks a historic day for Louis and his fandom when he held a Livestream that enticed 160,000 fans globally! Essentially setting the record for the biggest male-artist Livestream that year, Louis donated the profits from the concert between FareShare, Crew Nation, Bluebell Wood Children’s Hospice, and Stagehand. He also gave some of the proceeds to his touring crew.

Louis Being A Ray Of Sunshine During The COVID-19 Pandemic

The pandemic hit us all really hard. Most of us lost a loved one, faced the virus firsthand, didn’t attend school, or lost jobs. We definitely felt drained out mentally, physically, and emotionally. Louis Tomlinson has been a real ray of sunshine throughout these dark times, supporting various charities, the less fortunate, and regularly checking in on his fans.

In September 2020, Louis tweeted in support of a UK-based non-profit called Free My Meal, which connects individuals in need of meals with those that can help with the same. He also retweeted a tweet posted by football player Marcus Rashford MBE urging UK residents to sign a petition to end child food poverty. Louis even recorded a special message for Doncaster, in which he asked everyone to stay positive and safe.

Throughout the pandemic, Louis has checked in on his fans multiple times, bestowing love beyond mountains and seas, uplifting them with his wishes, and helping cure the lockdown blues. It’s safe to say, Louis made those dark days bearable. When all we needed was hope or comfort, Louis was there to provide both!

It is no secret that Louis Tomlinson has a heart of gold. Over the years, he has supported so many charities, quietly donating to some we may not even know of yet. He is a patron of The Eden Dora Trust, Stacey’s Smiles, and many more that you can read about here.

The next time someone asks us why Louis Tomlinson is our “Sunshine,” we know which THP articles to pull out! How has Louis made a difference in your life? Does he inspire you to give back?

[kimnjss]

only you | jjk

⤑  series: cherry pickers

⤑ pairing: gamer(fuckboi)!jungkook x video vixen(virgin)!reader

⤑ genre: some angst :/... nd fluff!! (implied smut)

⤑ rating: explicit 

⤑ word count: 3.3K // unedited.

⤑ warnings: slight dry humping, groping, neck kissing, a lot of inner monologuing, yn turns her emotions on nd off (lowkey scary), there are some tears, jungkook shows up w a ponytail nd glasses (what the actual fuckkk), 

⤑ A/N: uhm!? i think there’s like one more chapter left ., hello??? this was wicked fast i didn’t expect it but yeah . pretty sure there’s one more after this one guys??? 

JUNE 15TH, 2020 | 23:43

Fighting Jimin. That's the only solution you can come up with for the way he's been acting the past few days. You had to fight him. Not only did he post, and tag!, you in an image of you and Jungkook... from a happier time, he has been 'accidentally' sending you alike pictures and even gone as far as to ask you to find a picture of the two of you for him to post.

What was his problem? It was like he was ignoring the fact that the two of you were on the rocks? All for what? To further this brand new interest in photography that really didn't have to include either you or Jungkook? 

It was annoying. The constant reminder of the good thing that you had, which was always directly followed by the worry of whether or not the two of you would be able to get back to the way you were. Of course, you wanted to be with Jungkook. You... had really strong feelings for him, but at the same time, you weren't sure if the Jungkook you fell for even existed.

What if it was all an act?

It didn't feel like one. Jungkook always seemed so genuine, so pure whenever he was with you. He took his time getting to know you, it really felt like he was himself around you. And he really has no given you any reason to doubt your relationship before, so why now? 

He explained himself, has given you the space that you asked for... so were you just being stubborn? Overreacting? Or reacting just the right amount? You couldn't tell, but the more you thought about it the stronger the urge to just go and see him grew. And Jimin's daily semi-hourly messages for couple shots of the two of you were not helping.

Now it seemed like every little thing reminded you of him. Had been doing such a great job at removing him from your thoughts, but with each scroll through your camera roll, you're hit with another memory and then swarmed with the countless memories you made in your own home.

You contemplated selling the place but ruled that as crazy. Maybe you'd just rent it out? Something. Anything so that everywhere you turn, you wouldn't be bombarded with all things Jungkook. The couch where the two of you spent nights cuddled up, kitchen where he'd cook for you, bedroom where you...

It was all becoming too much, a little bit overwhelming at times too. But bearable if you concentrated hard enough. You weren't really breaking until late one night. No text from Jimin, but you still found yourself scrolling through your camera roll. Smiling at a picture the two of you had taken.

Just of your fingers intertwined over the middle console of his car, nothing major but you find yourself missing how well his fingers fit in yours. The simple way you'd trace the tattoos printed on his knuckles. They were always so warm in yours and he never minded how cold you always were. Took it upon himself to warm you up. Oh! And the way he'd mindlessly reach for your hands whenever you were laying together, toying with them as he rambled about God knows what.

You missed him. So much, it hurt. All you wanted was to be near him, fuck everything else. Why did everything else have to be so complicated? Why did you have to ever find out about that stupid bet? Things were so much better when you had no idea what he and his ex-friends talked about. He'd still be in your arms right now, playing with your fingers if it wasn't for that.

Before you even have the chance to stop yourself, fresh tears are rolling down your cheeks. A sob breaking through your throat as salty droplets land on the screen of your phone. For the first time, in a very long time, you feel lonely. And the only person that you want to be with is Jungkook. Positive if you were in a room full of people and he wasn't there, this lonely feeling wouldn't go away.

You needed to call him. Hear his voice, his laugh, anything. You needed him.

The phone only rings once before he's picking up, sounding out of breath as if he had been working out. Little did you know, Jungkook had been waiting weeks for your call. Ready to run the moment your familiar ringtone was blaring through his phone speakers. His voice is breathy, but it still makes your heart skip a beat. “Hello?”

“Jungkook,” As soon as his name is leaving your lips, you're realizing how much you've missed saying it. And that thought alone has you crying harder. “Jungkook...” You repeat with a heavy sigh, head falling in your hand as you try to wipe the tears that just won't stop coming.

He shushes you on the other line, the sound of your cries has a crumbling feeling taking over his chest. He hated that he's the reason you sound like that, that he's the one that hurt you. All he wants to do is hold you and tell you that everything was going to be okay, but he wasn't sure if that would be the truth.

There was only one thing that he could tell you that he was sure of. So he's apologizing, over and over again. For what he did, for what he didn't do, for making you cry. The pained sound of his voice only has your sobs growing louder, because he's hurting too. None of this made sense, you wanted to be together. So why not just be together?

“C-can you come over... please?”

He's nearly rushing for the front door at the quiet sound of your voice. Had hoped to hear you say that, wanted nothing more than to be with you right now. Even if it was only for a little while. He missed you, all he wanted was to see you. Three weeks was too long for him to spend away from you.

Then again, this wasn't about him. “Are you sure?”

“No. I feel like I'm all broken up. And it's your fault... but only you can make me feel better. I know that.” You're huffing, obviously frustrated with yourself. Ruffling is heard from your end of the phone and he can only imagine you're roughly wiping at your face. One final sniffle sounding, followed by a sharp clear of your throat. Mentally deciding that that was enough. No more crying.

He can almost feel the wall going back up, shielding him from the emotions you had let slip. Locking them back up where they couldn't make you look weak. He can even hear the difference in your tone now as if you hadn't just been crying to him two seconds ago.

“Yeah, come over.”

JUNE 16TH, 2020 | 00:27

Jungkook shows up at your front door almost immediately. Did not need to be told twice, he was on his way as soon as the words were leaving your mouth. Handsome, like he always is. 

Long hair pulled out of his face, you had said it was cute once so he figured he'd try to appeal to you. His white long sleeve is clean, baggy gray sweats hanging low on his hips. He looks like your Jungkook. Despite the weeks you spent apart, he still looks the same. So inviting, you wanted to be in his arms.

A pair of glasses rest on the tip of his nose and through them, you can see the slight red of his pretty brown eyes, the puffiness that surrounds them. Jimin had mentioned a few times before how much he's cried in the past few weeks, you never thought it would be this obvious though. It makes your heart hurt.

He's closing the door behind him after you let him in, kicking his shoes off in the threshold and then staring at you. Neither of you sure what to do next, what to say. It's the first time that you feel awkward around each other and it kills you. Nothing was ever awkward with Jungkook, he was always so eager and obvious.

But now, it was like he didn't even know where to look.

“You can go sit down,” You say after a while of just standing there, silently competing to see who can avoid eye contact the longest. 

It's weird, normally he'd be kicking off his shoes and heading straight to the couch. Demanding that you sit too so he can put his head on your lap. Much different from the careful steps that he takes across the living room as if he's never been there before. He's sitting with his head bowed, hands clasped in front of him.

And you almost expect him to mumble out a: 'Nice place you got here,'. He doesn't. What he does do has you almost convinced that things aren't so bad between the two of you now. In the shyest, sweetest Jungkook voice, he's saying, “Come sit with me too,” It's quieter than you're used too, but still holds a certain familiarity to it that you can't mask your smile.

There's a lot you need to get off your chest, but you have no idea where to start. You don't have it in you to be mad at him anymore, it had you feeling heavy all this time and you just wanted to let it go. You just wanted to be with him, but you knew that in order for that to happen properly... the two of you needed to talk.

“You told me you loved me.” His words have been like a skipping record since he was rushing them out. Despite the undesirable nature, he was telling you, he had still told you and it hasn't left your mind since.

Jungkook's eyes are going wide, cheeks turning pink, caught off guard with the way you're able to just blurt it out. He had said it and meant it, never thought about taking it back. But wished he had done it differently. At the moment, he was panicked, worried that he was losing you so it came out.

If he had the chance to do it again, he'd come up with a speech, something that let you know how much you mean to him, how lucky he thought he was to get to be with you... and then he'd say it. Not in the midst of an argument as an attempt to get you to stay with him. That was fucked on his part, though.

And there was nothing he could do about it, the cat was already out of the bag. “Yes. I said that. And I meant it.” He's not sure where you're going with this conversation if you're preparing him for the clean break of your relationship or whatever, but he urges himself to be patient. You're the one in charge because he had hurt you.

This was your call.

“I know you have changed, Jungkook. You're so much different from when I first met you. I can see that. I just... the bet made me doubt whether or not the changes I saw were genuine. I didn't know what to believe, but now.” Weeks upon weeks, you spent thinking about this. Weighing your options, thinking, and rethinking the situation. You wanted to be right.

You wanted this to be right. “Now, I want to believe you, Jungkook. How you were when you were with me... I don't think someone can fake that. I kinda knew you loved me before you said it, you know? I could feel it or whatever. I don't think something like that could be all for pretend,” You're not even looking at him, but you can feel the way hope lifts his body.

He's all but jumping at the chance to assure you. “It wasn't pretend, I swear. Every last thing between us was all real. I fell in love with you, Yn. I love you.” He's reaching for your hands, lacing your fingers together. His are warm against yours and the warmth is quickly spreading throughout your entire body.

Warming your cheeks and coaxing fresh tears to pool at the brim of your eyes. “I love you too,” If you had held it in a second longer, you're positive you would've puked. Something like that needed to be said out loud. And from the way his face lights up from your slightly teary confession, it's worth it.

Jungkook moves before he can stop himself, leaning forward to cover your lips with his. It's a soft, quick kiss that doesn't last long before he's realizing what he's doing. Quick to pull away, that light pink dusting over his cheeks as he mumbles out an apology.

“It's okay. Just, uhm, one more thing.” He's leaning back to give you some space you don't exactly favor. Fingers pushing through his hair as he nods, teeth and tongue working over his lip. “Of course. What is it?”

He looks ready to fix any issue you might have with being him and you don't doubt that he'd work himself making sure that everything was all right. That's the thing, though. There weren't any real problems being with him, Jungkook was a good guy. You knew that and he showed you time and time again, just in case you forgot.

Being overwhelmed in the moment had you losing sight of that, doubting him in ways that he never gave you a reason to. He was always good to you, since the beginning. And that was something you found a little hard to understand. “Why me? I mean, it's no secret you've had a plethora of girls knocking on your door. So how come you chose me to fall in love with?” A tiny insecure thought that popped in your head from time to time, but a lot more in the past few weeks.

What made you so different?

The sound of his laugh is the last thing you expect to hear. His pretty smile rests on his lips as the sweet sound dies down, eyes shining as he looks at you. “I didn't choose you, baby. I got lucky and you chose me. And I have zero complaints. I don't know if you know this, Yn. But you have really high standards. You make me want to be better for you.” He's confident this time when he reaches for you, hands settling on your hips as he tugs you toward him.

A natural position between the two of you, sat up with your legs draped over his hips his stretched out behind you. Crazy how perfectly you fit in his arms. “No one has made me feel the way you have. Only you.” You're embarrassed with how dramatic your heart is for this man.

Fingers brush hair from your face as he leans closer to you, nose just barely brushing against yours. “Does that answer your question?” Using that deep voice of his that you only recently discovered. Eyes lifting to look at you through his long lashes, your entire body heats up from the look alone.

“Yes, it does.”

The corners of his lips lift into a smile, fingers tracing the side of your face to tip your chin up toward his. Gaze dropping to your lips, then back up to your eyes. “Can I kiss you now?” There's something about him asking that makes you want it more.

Paired with the patient way he sits awaiting your answer, holding you close but still giving you space. Subtle things that he did to make sure you were comfortable, make sure that he was never pushing too much. Jungkook was constantly proving to you that you could trust him, without a word.

And you do, trust him. With everything you do. So you don't even have to think twice about nodding your head, welcoming his lips onto yours. His fingers tangling in your hair to hold your head in place as his mouth moves over yours. Kissing you the way that he's dreamt of after all this time.

He's missed you. Being apart from you was something that he never wanted to do again and he was going to make sure that neither of you would have to experience that again. His warm tongue glides over your lower lip and you're sure he's going to push his way through.

But he doesn't, instead, he's dragging his teeth over your skin, dragging your lip back as you pull away. It's hot. The feeling of his teeth pressed into your skin, the look on his face as he does it. You can't help the soft moan that falls from your lips. A sound that goes straight to his pants.

“Tell me that thing again, you know? About how you feel about me...” There's a hint of blush on his cheeks. It makes you feel warm all over. Lifting your arms, you wrap them around his neck, scooting a bit lower on his lap. Hips pressed against his.

You think about teasing him, acting as if you have no idea what he's talking about. One look at the slightly nervous look on his face is stealing all of that way. As if you wouldn't say it again like the first time had been a fluke. Yeah, right.

Lips molded against his, you place a sweet kiss on them. Smiling brightly as you pull away, lifting your gaze to look him right in the eye. He needed to know that you meant business when you said what was coming next. “I love you, Jungkook. Only you.” He's kissing you again before the words can fully leave your lips, hand pressed firmly on your back as he holds you to him.

The slow lift of his hips, dragging a moan from you. “I just told you I love you. Why are you hard?” Your giggle vibrates against his lips. Jungkook does nothing to pull back, lips still sealed together as he murmurs.

“It's a love boner,” He groans softly, rolling his hips up. Using the grip he holds in your hair to tilt your head back, trailing his lips down toward your jawline. Sucking wet kisses into your skin, creating a path toward your collarbones.

Your laughter is interrupted by a moan, your own hips moving at their own accord into his. His cock dragging against your core through the fabric of your clothes, but you can still feel him as if you were bare. His freehand is traveling down your back to grip your ass, encouraging the movement of your hips.

Gruff grunts leave his lips from the friction and it takes everything in you to concentrate on your words. “S-shut up, those aren't real. All you think about is sex,” Ignoring the moans that lace your words and the insistent roll of your hips. He's the focus subject here.

Jungkook is shaking his head quickly, pulling back to get a good look at your face. Already flushed and he was just getting started. “Correction. All I think about is you. How my body reacts is not my fault,” You laugh to hide your blush, hand reaching out to shove at his shoulder.

“You're an idiot,” You're mumbling out, which he assumes is code for some term of endearment in your head. He'll take it, leaning down to press yet another soft kiss to your lips.

There was no way he'd grow tired of the feeling he got from kissing you. “And I love you. And you love me too. So let's make love,” It's corny, so you have no idea why your heart is screaming, fighting against your rib cage to get to him. But you've learned to not have everything figured out when it came to Jungkook. Things were the way they were and you liked them exactly that way.

You loved it.

— known for your body and surrounded by rumors about your sex life… rumors that he doesn’t think to doubt. until he’s meeting you… forced to realize there’s much more to you then the thonged shorts and lacy costumes.

⤪ masterlist ⤨

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A/N: timestamps make sense throughout the fic. if u want to be added to the tag list, send me an ask! + if you’ve asked to be on my permanent taglist, you do not need to ask to be added to this one !!

[simoneashleydaily]

Simone Ashley in Tatler Asia

‘Bridgerton’: Jonathan Bailey & Simone Ashley Play Enemies Turned Lovers in Season 2

By Brian Cheong

The male and female leads of the Netflix series share juicy details from the set and their characters' volatile relationship

Bodacious. Scandalous. Sexy.

These are just some of the adjectives fans have used to describe Bridgerton. A massive streaming hit when it premiered on Netflix on Christmas Day in 2020—and in the process, making our lockdown lives immeasurably more bearable—the first season of the Regency-set drama introduced us to the Bridgerton family comprising matriarch Violet and her eight children including eldest son Lord Anthony Bridgerton.

But at the heart of it all was the love story of Daphne (Phoebe Dynevor), the eldest Bridgerton daughter, and the Duke of Hastings Simon Basset portrayed by the dishy Regé-Jean Page who became an overnight star through the series.

But at the heart of it all was the love story of Daphne (Phoebe Dynevor), the eldest Bridgerton daughter, and the Duke of Hastings Simon Basset portrayed by the dishy Regé-Jean Page who became an overnight star through the series.

Based on the novels of Julia Quinn, the Shondaland production is also a lush spectacle filled with a cast so diverse, it's like nothing we've ever seen before—certainly not for a British period drama. The eagerly awaited Season 2 promises more of the same, only this time, the central love story revolves around Anthony (Jonathan Bailey) and Kate Sharma (Simone Ashley who is new to the cast).

Kate arrives in London with her sister Edwina (Charithra Chandran) to help the latter find a suitable husband. Anthony, who is ready to end his single life though perhaps not his rakish ways, is also looking for a suitable match and has his eyes set on Edwina, much to the disapproval of Kate who thinks him unworthy of Edwina's affections.

Bailey and Ashley Zoomed from London to fill Tatler in on Season 2.

Jonathan, how did it feel to come back to Season 2?

Jonathan Bailey (JB): It was kind of wild because it was this extraordinary thing that happened at a time when the world was in absolute crisis. It was a sort of love letter to the world when there wasn't much light. I'm just beginning to adjust to the understanding of how Bridgerton has impacted people.

I always knew that it was going to be Anthony's story but it was complicated and weird leading up to it. The first time I left the flat since lockdown was to go and meet Simone for the first time. I don't think anyone knew that it would be quite as good as what Simone had brought. The moment I met her, we instantly felt like we knew what we were going to do.

What was it like to go from being the antagonist in Season 1 to the romantic lead in this season?

JB: It's complicated. Both Anthony and Kate are heads of their families, and they are all about pragmatism. Anthony himself has such a high level of perfectionism, whether for himself or for his family. You can probably count on one hand the number of times what he says is aligned with what he feels. He's in need of someone to show him that he is worth something outside his role in the family and in the society. He's a compelling character, and it's brilliant to be able to play him.

Simone, how did it feel to join the cast of Bridgerton?

Simone Ashley (SA): I was nervous and excited. What made it so easy was Jonny who was so welcoming, and made me feel comfortable and heard. We were in the middle of a pandemic, and entering this world in which the cast and crew are very much a family, and the huge fanbase... it was just wild. I really can't think of a better word.

What can you tell us about Kate Sharma?

SA: When we first meet Kate, she wants to blend into the background. She doesn't want to be on the marriage market and is completely focused on her plan to find her sister a suitor. And then she meets Anthony who is this ginormous obstacle, physically and emotionally.

Anthony and Kate are quite similar in that they are so distracted by the responsibilities and duties in their lives that they don't get a second to listen to their hearts. And when they are alone together, they are very present and have to deal with their feelings.

Did you enjoy playing her?

SA: She's smart and emotionally intelligent. She prioritises her family and sister. And she has a lot of patience. That was fun to play.

You mentioned that the both of you hit it off right away. What was the chemistry like on set?

SA: It was a strong partnership from the get-go. There were moments when we would just look at each other and we would understand each other. It's such a gift to have a scene partner like Jonny; he gave me so much to react off.

JB: I realise that it might never be the same again, the uniqueness of such an intimate and complex partnership, an alchemy and magical bubble that we existed together. For both of us, it was a massive experience.

What was it like to shoot during the pandemic what with all the social restrictions?

JB: Netflix and Shondaland smashed it (with Covid SOPs). Everyone felt incredibly safe. We were tested to an inch of our lives!

SA: It was bizarre for everyone but as a community we all knew just how privileged we were to be working during the pandemic.

What are you most excited for fans to see in Season 2?

JB: There are so many great moments that I don't know where to start. I'm thrilled for fans to experience Kate and her coming into the family and how much she dislodges Anthony that he's become even more of a stranger to his family.

SA: Bridgerton is all about family and you want to be a part of these families—the banter, the inside jokes, and everything in between. It's what everyone has been waiting for. It will be like seeing someone you love for the first time in a long time.

JB: And there's no other show like it where you get a robust sweeping love story that's different from the last.

'Bridgerton 2' premieres on Netflix on March 25, 2022.

[mostlymovieswithmax]

Movies I watched in July

Once again I’m doing my monthly round-up of movies I’ve watched. This was a good month for the cinema getting back on track and seeing new releases including the new M. Night movie, Old and James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad. Pretty sure Marvel put out a new movie also. I’m hoping that this list can help in guiding a decision about what to watch (or what to avoid) and introduce people to movies they may otherwise not have heard of or bothered to see. These short reviews are my own subjective opinions on each individual movie and maybe a more informal approach to movie criticism can help include others who are just passing through. Here is every film I watched from the 1st to the 31st of July.

Bridesmaids (2011) - 4/10

Off to a good start. I won’t say Bridesmaids is a terrible movie but I don’t think I’m exactly the target audience. As far as I know, this is a beloved comedy but I just can’t get on board with all the boring, juvenile humour; with Maya Rudolph shitting in the street, with Rose Byrne and Kristen Wiig trying to one-up each other at a toast that went on forever, with Melissa McCarthy shitting in a sink… the conflict is so done to death and makes the movie feel unspecial. I do understand the appeal of the film, especially for women in that before this movie the likelihood of seeing something like this, where women play up the more crass and gross side of comedy, was probably few and far between. But the story is very tired and while I did appreciate some moments, namely a couple of decent jokes and some of the more intimate scenes, for the most part it felt like they wanted to corner a more quiet type of line delivery in a way that was supposed to be understated but very funny so as to not rely on over the top body language or musical cues, and it ended up being super dull.

Spectre (2015) - 7/10

As far as I can tell, a lot of people don’t like this instalment of the James Bond franchise… but I really enjoyed it! I’ve really taken a shine to these Daniel Craig-era Bond movies and while I can’t say any of them are the most amazing thing, I have a lot of fun with them. The biggest problem I have with Spectre is the villain being utterly pointless and uninteresting in basically every way. The idea of every villain Bond has fought before being tied to this one organisation controlled by this one guy is ridiculous, and what makes it worse is that the villain is barely in it! There’s so much that doesn’t come together in this but as it goes, I still had a really good time. Daniel Craig holds the whole thing together; he is excellent as 007 and the main reason I’m up for each of these movies is because of him. Sam Mendes directs again after the previous instalment and for what it’s worth I do think he does a good job with some of the action set pieces and the locations. I’m so ready for No Time To Die.

Shazam (2019) - 7/10

Shazam is a genuinely fun superhero movie that doesn’t take itself seriously at all. I was having a great time throughout and while it could conform to some of the same tropes we’re used to with these kinds of movies, it still remained playful and used the character of Shazam to his fullest potential in a way that showed an understanding of just how silly the idea of a kid who can turn into an adult and shoot lightning out of his hands is.

High School Musical (2006) - 6/10

So as you may or may not know, I co-host a podcast: The Sunday Movie Marathon. It’s a film podcast and every week I get together with my other co-hosts and watch movies. For episode 38, we watched the High School Musical trilogy. This first movie blew me away. I was really surprised with just how much fun I had, and if you want to hear more of my thoughts on the film, please listen to episode 38 of the podcast.

High School Musical 2 (2007) - 4/10

We then jumped into the second and while it’s certainly not as good as its predecessor, there are still some brilliant songs that manage to top the last movie. Again, more of what I have to say can be heard on episode 38 of the podcast.

High School Musical 3: Senior Year (2008) - 3/10

Senior Year was pretty hard to get through. I don’t remember it being as bad as it was, but then I didn’t really remember it anyway. It did however have one redeeming quality, which you can discover on episode 38 of the podcast.

The Piano Teacher (2001) - 9/10

What the fuuuckkkk. The Piano Teacher is horrendously affecting and I was so upset when it ended, maybe not because it’s not what I wanted but because it’s just so fucking dour and unrelenting. This is the second Haneke movie I’ve seen (after the original Funny Games) and I’m so impressed with how well executed it is. Following a woman who teaches piano, we get a glimpse into the life she lives, how sheltered she is from living with her mother at an age where you’d reasonably expect a person to be living alone or with a partner or friends (even going so far as to be sleeping in the same bed as her), and how repressed she is sexually. It’s clear she’s never experienced any kind of sexual interaction or romantic love with another person, so she goes out of her way to take control and make that happen. The upsetting nature of it comes from just what she does in pursuit of it or as a result of her repression, and what is done to her. It is by no means a movie to recommend to your parents but The Piano Teacher offers so much in terms of the ideas it presents (and I’ll admit there seems to be a lot more going on than I think I picked up on a first go round) about women in modern society, and about the portrayal of sex and expectations of people when it comes to how that is represented in a person’s character depending on their gender. I really enjoyed this movie but it is not for the faint of heart.

Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011) - 1/10

My podcast co-hosts decided it’d be a right laugh to add Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure to this episode and that might have been a fun idea for them because they got to watch it together, but I was just watching it alone. Just a 24-year-old man watching Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure alone and having a miserable time, I might add. But for a short and sweet ramble on what we all thought, please listen to episode 38 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

Dr. No (1962) - 6/10

A lot of very iffy parts of this movie. A lot of discomfort arising from how black people are portrayed that really didn’t sit right with me. As far as a Bond movie goes, this first instalment in the series is one I’ve seen before and it’s not wholly engaging but it plants the seeds for the rest, with Sean Connery breathing life into the role and making an otherwise lacklustre plot bearable.

Black Widow (2021) - 6/10

I think probably the best part about Black Widow is the experience I had while watching it. It was great being back in the cinema with a couple of friends in a packed theatre. The energy was high and I’m sure for a lot of people, this is the first time they’d been to the cinema since Endgame. For what it’s worth, I did have a lot of fun with Black Widow and I’ve explained more of what I thought about the movie in episode 39 of the podcast.

The Climb (2020) - 10/10

The Climb was added to Now TV recently and I already knew I loved it, having seen it in an empty cinema theatre last year, which I had an absolute blast with. The Climb details the years of a rocky friendship told over scenes filmed as one-shots. Not only is the presentation something to gawk at, but the performances by the two leads playing these friends with a terrifically dysfunctional dynamic is truly captivating. They’re both trying to figure out their own lives and where one can come across as being rather selfish, the opposite is true in his counterpart, whom everyone loves. This is a truly funny and heartwarming movie with a lot to say about how we choose to live our lives and who we choose to be with. It’s a shame the distributors of The Climb didn’t do a very good job because if not for it being available on Now TV, it would be near impossible to watch without forking out more money than is necessary to purchase a film.

From Russia With Love (1963) - 5/10

The second Bond movie. I thought perhaps I’d change my mind on it with another watch, having seen it for the first time maybe a year ago. But no, it’s still largely boring and it treats women like absolute garbage. From Russia With Love is one of those movies I forget as I watch it, and I was trying very hard (in the middle of the day!) not to fall asleep.

The Good, The Bart, and The Loki (2021) - 1/10

I don't usually talk about the short films I watch but for this I'll make an exception. As we all should know, Disney owns The Simpsons now, through their acquisition of Fox, so, coupled with another of their properties, that being Marvel, they decided to make a six-minute animated film wherein Marvel’s Loki is stranded in Springfield. This felt as though it was a minute long due to the horrendously jarring pacing; it is a movie that feels adamant that it needs to exist, while trying as hard as it can to be over as soon as possible. It serves only to stare the audience directly in the face and say “look, characters from The Simpsons are dressed as Avengers”, shit out three credit scenes, then end before you’ve even processed the atrocity you just bore witness to.

Russian Ark (2002) - 8/10

For this next episode of the podcast, we watched a few Russian movies, starting with Russian Ark, a film shot completely in one take as the camera moves about a luxurious museum in a first-person perspective as this main character watches what is happening around him, seeing people moving about the place but unable to interact with them, guided only by another man who seems to be just slightly out of his own perception of reality. This is a tremendous feat in filmmaking and more can be heard about what I have to say in episode 39 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

Ivan’s Childhood (1962) - 7/10

For my own pick of Russian movies to discuss on the podcast, I chose the debut feature from one of my favourite directors, Andrei Tarkovsky. It’s amazing that while this is not his best film by far, Ivan’s Childhood is still such a stellar debut, jumping around in its timeline as it details a child’s experience in the second world war. Again, I do go into more depth in episode 39 of the podcast, so be sure to check that out.

Outlaw (2019) - 1/10

The third movie chosen for this marathon is apparently the fourth Russian LGBTQ+ movie ever made. I’m unsure of the ultimate goal of this movie but what seems to be clear is that it hates the LGBTQ+ community. This is perhaps the worst film we’ve discussed on the podcast to date, so listen to episode 39 to understand exactly why it’s such trash.

Almost Famous (2000) - 7/10

I too love heavy music and also studied journalism so it stands to reason that a movie about a teenager who makes his way onto a band tour, following them through America and interviewing them as they hang out and play shows is going to be a premise that resonates with me. This certainly did. I enjoyed Almost Famous a lot; this kid is living the dream and I was so along for the ride, seeing a lot of myself in what was being portrayed. That said, the story itself is at times a bit by the numbers and I really would’ve been more on board if the visual component was more interesting. For what it is, technically it’s fine enough but nothing in that department ever jumped out at me.

Minari (2021) - 8/10

It’s crazy that this didn’t get a theatrical run where I live in the UK. It feels as though I complain about film distribution all the time but I really don’t understand the process by which a movie gets no cinematic release and yet, months later will pop up on the front shelf of hmv, taking pride of place. But of course I got the blu-ray straight away. Minari has a lot to say about the immigrant experience, specifically in America as a family comes over from Korea and tries to start a business and make something of themselves. You get to see a lot of what you might not think twice about when you think about immigration: the hardship of coming from a place where you know everyone to somewhere rural and sparsely populated, having to make friends with locals and integrate within the community; the strain it can put on a family and on a marriage where this idea is presented about the importance of making it on your own in order to live and not just survive, while also taking into account why you’re doing it in the first place and the value you place on being part of a family that you decided to make because that was more important than money, than economy, than proving you were good enough to make it in a place that gave you very little advantage from the offset. This concept of the promised land, of the American dream is a construct. There are times when it’s not pretty, when you have no running water, or you’re in debt, or a family member is dying and it just feels like you’ve been dealt as bad a hand as you can get. But it is better to know you’re not facing all that alone.

Roma (2018) - 10/10

This was my recommendation for the podcast episode on Alfonso Cuarón movies. Roma is as beautiful as it is heart-wrenching and I would recommend listening to episode 40 of the podcast to find out more about my thoughts.

An American Werewolf In London (1981) - 8/10

In all fairness, London is enough to make anyone a little crazy at the best of times. An American Werewolf in London showcases some fantastically grotesque effects, akin to something like Carpenter’s The Thing, in showing the dead brought back to life and a horrifically gory transformation scene. Although the film is from the perspective of an American protagonist, directed also by an American, the depiction of British culture and climate is something I’ve not seen many films pull off quite so well, and I was pleasantly surprised at the more comedic tone the film has overall, which is something that works more in its favour than straight horror would.

The Party’s Just Beginning (2018) - 6/10

Karen Gillan’s directorial debut is… pretty good! There are a lot of ideas I like in this movie: a woman living life and through convenient circumstances, is confronted with death in many ways. Gillan obviously knows her homeland as well as she can, imbuing the whole thing with an intensely Scottish vibe (though maybe not in the same vein as something like Trainspotting) that makes it a bit more unique than a more run of the mill movie of this ilk, backed up in no small part by her own main performance. The plot itself is no great diversion from the kind of story I’m used to with these smaller movies and for something that’s trying to include messaging about transgender issues and suicide, it probably could have been handled better or done in a different way.

Solaris (1972) - 9/10

Another Tarkovsky joint, one I thought I’d revisit to see if there was indeed more to get out of it a second time. Well, it’s no surprise that yes, there was certainly more to get out of it. Solaris is a crazy trip of a movie and I would liken it to Kubrick’s 2001 in terms of how grand the scale of it feels. Yet this is a film that comes across as deeply personal, choosing to focus on a specific character as he goes to a space station to help those on board who are experiencing some kind of emotional crises, only to feel the effects of the planet, Solaris invading his own mind as it has the crew. To many, I can see this lengthy Russian sci-fi being a tad slow but my personal experience is one of deep engagement. Solaris pulls its viewer in a lot of different directions and it is always doing something unexpected in terms of where its narrative goes. There’s a lot to think about with the movie and thankfully it’s no chore to watch again.

Y Tu Mamá También (2001) - 9/10

Another recommendation for the podcast episode on Alfonso Cuarón movies. This is a very relaxed experience, following three young people as they go on a road trip, visit different places and have sex. Listen to episode 40 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast for more of my thoughts.

Children of Men (2006) - 10/10

My favourite Cuarón movie, one that never stops being tense as its characters are constantly moving towards the end goal. Set in a future where humans are infertile, the oldest living person is 18, and London is the last city in the world that’s still keeping it together, somewhat. This is masterclass filmmaking. Listen to episode 40 of the podcast for more insights.

Minority Report (2002) - 5/10

I’m really not the biggest fan of Spielberg… Minority Report is an interesting movie in terms of its concept of stopping crimes before they happen by way of prediction, but I just didn’t connect with the heart of it. The colouring is way too overexposed in a way that’s supposed to be eliciting a futuristic vibe but instead feels so early-2000’s in the worst way. My biggest problem with Minority Report is just how long it is, clocking in at two hours and twenty-five minutes which allows for a lot of meandering, all while never quite developing characters enough for you to care about.

Caché (2005) - 9/10

Oh god! Another Michael Haneke movie! Here we see a couple periodically sent video tapes featuring hours of footage of the outside of their house. The anxiety ratchets up and the mystery gets deeper with every minute. There’s always at least one moment in any of his films that have so far made me realise just how out of my depth I am. Caché is no exception, and I won’t spoil anything here because I think it’s better just to watch the movie and see for yourself. He is a director that wants the audience to know something and that something is never what is explicitly shown at face value; it is pressed into the fabric of the film - plainly evident, yet hidden. Caché is so stupidly clever in displaying its themes and messaging - making reference to the Siene Massacre of 1961 as well as a deeper study of colonialism - and there’s no way to change a single detail of it without risking the Jenga tower crumbling to the ground. It all works in tandem. It is passion and fury and haunting.

Coco (2017) - 7/10

Pixar had a string of around seven forgettable movies before this point so thankfully Coco emerged to show the company still had something good in them. Coco deals a lot with themes of death and legacy, remembering those who are gone in order to preserve them and while its plotting is quite basic and there are certainly moments that either drag or cannot escape the same Pixar formula, most of what the movie has to offer is a lot of fun, with creative, colourful animation and emotional beats that resonate the way they’re supposed to.

Incredibles 2 (2018) - 5/10

Oh, they almost had it! There's a lot here that could have been explored in far more interesting ways. Setting Incredibles 2 directly after the events of the first movie was not a good idea. If it had taken place five or ten years after, the characters could have been in different places in life and it would feel as though they'd actually changed and developed. But instead of trying to be a film that actually cares about its characters and the journeys they go on, a lot of the film is wrestling with the idea that Bob isn't supportive of his wife and Jack-Jack has to fight a raccoon… They have to shoehorn in a villain that in no way compares to the genius of the original. The ending of the original introduces another antagonist that gets wrapped up within this film's first ten minutes, except they don't catch him and he's never mentioned again. It's a real shame because the animation is fantastic and the acting is superb and there are great ideas sprinkled throughout. It just doesn't come together.

Toy Story 4 (2019) - 6/10

I was rather reluctant to watch Toy Story 4 because from the get-go I’m not really here for sequels being made just for the sake of it. Everyone loves Toy Story and making another one is a sure fire way to make money. This is the first time I’ve seen Toy Story 4 and for what it’s worth, I did enjoy it. The animation is immaculate and that alone feels like a huge flex from Pixar who tend to step up the game when it comes to animation in film, despite not having the best track record for films generally at this point. While it was nice to see these characters again, I found a lot of them to be side-lined (namely Buzz) in favour of a story that focuses mainly or entirely on Woody, who I just don’t like as much as in the previous movies. Generally the movie is good and decent enough but there’s no real antagonist and the plot is quite loose… it doesn’t feel as though it needed to be made from a story point of view.

Onward (2020) - 6/10

And with that I have seen every Pixar movie. And Onward is a fine one to go out on. While I don’t think it compares to the likes of earlier Pixar it’s still pretty fun. Or maybe I’m just a sucker for a medieval setting filled with bright colours and magic! Speaking of which, the animation was super and the medieval quest element is something that hooked me with the film. Again, plot-wise it does feel very familiar and I don’t know, maybe I’m past the point now of expecting Pixar to mix it up where their formula for story-telling is concerned but the movie is quite predictable. Nonetheless, while I’m not rushing back to see Onward I would hardly turn it off or refuse if someone wanted to watch it.

Old (2021) - 3/10

Oh boy! New M. Night movie dropped and my word, was it fun! For more of my thoughts on this… masterpiece (?) of a movie, please direct your attention to episode 41 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

T2 Trainspotting (2017) - 5/10

Trainspotting is perhaps one of my favourite movies and I had never bothered with the sequel, 20 years on, because the ending of that first movie is so conclusive. T2 felt more an excuse for these guys to get together again and in that, I probably would have preferred a couple of pictures on Twitter of the main cast and director, Danny Boyle having dinner or something. This is a fine movie - very arty in its presentation but meandering and dull in its story that doesn’t offer much in the way of proof that it had to exist.

Taste of Cherry (1997) - 9/10

What makes life worth living? This is a central question and theme of Taste of Cherry, and one that leaves such interpretation not only up to its central character but to the viewer as well. This film got me thinking about times in my life when I truly have had no answer to hard questions. Because it’s hard to convince people of things they are so adamantly against and harder still to rationalise what you believe if you’re not even entirely sure why you believe it in the first place. We are all of us alive and in recognising that, does that make it precious? And if indeed living is not a happy thing, why then should we fight so hard to preserve it? I felt upset as I watched this movie because I’ve been asked these kinds of questions before and it makes me feel stupid when I’m unable to answer. But the only real answer I can give is, everything. And if you can’t see the point then you’re not looking hard enough. Taste of Cherry is beautiful in its exploration of these topics and in its overall presentation, offering some of the best visuals in any movie I’ve seen - fitting for a feature with so much to say about the beauty of life - and an ending that as much pulls the rug out from under you as it does pull you out of the dark and make you realise just how lonely you’ve felt.

Bones (2001) - 2/10

Snoop Dogg is Jimmy Bones! This film is super funny but I’m not sure it’s trying to be and I really didn’t love it overall. But I do talk more in depth about it in episode 41 of the podcast.

The Duchess (2008) - 5/10

Another recommendation for the podcast. The Duchess was pretty much exactly what I thought it was going to be and there’s a lot to like about it but generally it’s a bit sparse. For more chat on the movie, listen to episode 41 of the podcast.

The Man With One Red Shoe (1985) - 1/10

This was another one for the podcast and man, was it awful. We had to watch it at 1.5x speed towards the end because it just wasn’t getting finished otherwise. To find out more, make sure to listen to episode 41 of the podcast.

The Emperor’s New Groove (2000) - 7/10

Pull the lever, Kronk! Haha! Slays me. I do quite miss this era of Disney, where the animation was hand-drawn and the stories were actually compelling and funny. The Emperor’s New Groove is vibrant, it’s got great characters and memorable moments that will forever be ingrained in the memory of culture. All in all, it’s just a solid flick that doesn’t waste time, developing the standard fall from glory type of arc but smoothly and in an entertaining way.

The Suicide Squad (2021) - 8/10

Oh, bloody hell! They actually made a good one! The Suicide Squad is not only better than the ‘Suicide Squad’ of 2016 in every way, it’s a genuinely great film! This time, James Gunn (director of Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy movies) is at the helm and it seems clear that Warner Bros. basically let him do what he wanted with the movie, as it doesn’t seem to bog itself down with the restrictions of a more family-friendly rating. The result of this is a far cleaner, colourful film with a clearer vision that takes from early Vietnam movies and uses that style to craft a superhero/villain movie that differentiates itself among the copious amount of existing films of the genre.      The Suicide Squad wastes very little time, introducing fun, crazy characters we’ve not seen on the big screen before and isn’t worried about killing a whole bunch of them, with standouts being Elba’s Bloodsport, Melchior’s Ratcatcher 2, Stallone’s King Shark (expertly rendered with fantastic visual effects), and Robbie’s returning interpretation of Harley Quinn.      A lot of Gunn’s trademark sense of humour is laced throughout and more often than not, it hits. The audience at the cinema were truly loving this movie and I’ll admit, I was right there with them. This mix of the gritty, gory and absurd is not something that should work as well as it does but the basic premise of the film is already so silly (and boy, do they know it) that it just works! Certainly one of the best DC movies since The Dark Knight and one I’d be more than happy to watch again. This is what the modern comic book movie should be: just balls to the wall fun!

[cookiepotofchaos]

If you had told autistic jellybean of a child me that my two special interests would have TV shows with multiple seasons made about them in the future, I may have exploded with joy.

Considering the hellstorm that was 2020 otherwise, they sure did help me maintain some semblance of wellbeing.

Here's to Jurassic Park: Camp Cretaceous and Malory Towers making 2020 and 2021 the tiniest bit more bearable.

(Also, Camp Cretaceous really knocked out 4 seasons in under two years!)

[shreddedparchment]

A World of Our Own Pt.05

It’s Only a Spark

09/10/2020

Pairing: Bucky x Reader         Word Count: 5,114

Warnings: nudity, slight angst, pining, fluff

A/N: We’re back y’all! Awooo is back on. I’m sorry it’s taken so long to get back to this story but it won’t be a super long one. We’re talking less than ten chapters. I really want to start working on my original fiction because I want to publish, probably self-publish on Amazon or something. Fanfiction is fun but I can’t really sell it since it’s not really mine and I really want writing to be my future. Anywho, I hope you enjoy this next chapter! It’s been a long time coming. xoxo If you reblog thanks for helping me spread my work!

Please DO NOT REPOST my stories. Reblogs are welcome!

Taglist is closed!

Early morning beach walks, heat-soaked sand warming the bottom of your feet as it shifts and hisses with each step you take along the shoreline, is one thing that you can honestly admit to loving.

Being stranded on an uncharted island is not exactly great. Apart from the lack of proper vitamins—though you and Bucky had been making it work and with the knowledge of boar now, there’s your protein—no ice cubes, and no air conditioning, there are some things that you enjoy here.

These walks are one.

You enjoyed last night.

It’s been two weeks since Ryan came to live with you and Bucky, and every night is spent waiting for Bucky to sneak into the fuselage to come and hold you while you sleep.

Well, last night had been a little different. You’d fallen asleep with his head buried against your neck, your arms around his impossibly wide shoulders. Last night he’d let you see more of that vulnerability in him. The inescapable truth that even though he’s making all this work for the two of you—now three—he wants off this island too.

As you come to a stop, you take in the sky. Along the horizon painted around the bearably bright white-orange orb that is the sun, is a glowing and stunning fire red that fades out into a burnt orange, a splash of burgundy and gray before it changes into the deep purple night sky.

It’s so beautiful. This sunrise, bringing with it a new day of promise. A new day of secret looks and lingering touches.

Your mind is flooded with them. Each one more precious than the last.

Bucky hands you your food pack and he holds his hand over yours, fingers overlapping, for two seconds too long. At lunch he sits close. Knees touching before he leans back on his hands and one is so conveniently placed behind you so that it’s almost like he’s got his arm around you.

So many tiny hints that you’ve carefully calculated and added together and realize that Bucky must feel like you do. There’s no other explanation for it.

Maybe, if he were just as touchy feely with Ryan then you might consider it a possibility that he’s just that outgoing. That affectionate. But he only does this with you. He comes to your bed at night—thank goodness.

Last night it had been very clear that he wanted you to hug him, face buried in your neck or pressed tentatively against your chest until he relaxes enough that you can ask him how he’s feeling.

You chew on your scratchy chapped lip, watching as the water changes from dark turquoise to crystal green.

What will Bucky think when he wakes up and you aren’t beside him?

Usually it’s the other way around. Bucky is always gone when you wake up. Last night you’d been woken up by painful memories turned dreams. A life previously lived before the world had fallen apart.

Somehow, you find yourself being grateful for it. All of it. Because it somehow brought you here. To Bucky.

But you’d needed air and that’s why you’re on this beach, earlier than you normally are.

You can’t be imagining things, right? Bucky seems like he likes you too. It’s a little unfair to him if you’re honest. Who else can he like here? Ryan?

Nothing you’ve seen has indicated that he’s gay. If he’s bi, then maybe Ryan but Bucky seems to bristle every time Ryan comes near the two of you when that special tension begins to build.

Are you reading into things too deeply?

Frustrated you slide your hand up into your hair, yanking on it in annoyance as you quickly sweep through it and begin to strip.

Just a quick swim.

 Bucky stirs, reaching for you, knowing he’ll have to hurry out of here in a minute to avoid the questions that Ryan will no doubt ask if he spots him coming out of the fuselage.

Several times, Bucky has nearly told him that he likes you. That you’re his. But he can’t. He hasn’t even told you that he likes you. What if he tells Ryan all of that and then you don’t feel the same?

Bucky thinks…he hopes you feel the same. It seems as if you do.

But in the busy hours of the day when he’s shaping clay and cooking bricks for the hut and you’re weaving the thatch for the roof, he looks up to find you smiling, laughing, or happily chatting with Ryan.

The two of you have hit it off so well and he cannot deny the chemistry that the two of you share. There’s a sparkle in both your eyes when he finds you talking. A spark. An option.

You’re the one that gets to make the choice here. You’re the one that has the right to tell either of them, or both of them, no.

So as Bucky reaches out for you, craving the soft caress of your body and hands as they stroke his hair sleepily, his heart gives a fearful lurch when his hands make no purchase in their search.

He sits up, a panic setting in as he looks around frantically.

Calm down, Bucky. She’s probably just outside.

Only you aren’t. As he emerges, he observes the long since dead cinders of the campfire. His eyes scan the area and he spots Ryan’s blanket rolled up and propped against the driftwood trunk he'd snuggled up to last night.

Where the fuck-? Bucky’s mind reels again. Calm down, Bucky. She’s probably just down by the beach.

Only you aren’t!

Where the hell is she?!

Bucky moves along the length of the spot he'd picked for the hut. Just at the edge of the dense jungle, sturdier ground to give the hut a fighting chance against any storms that may come around.

The sand is undisturbed. His empty clay trough has no water. The palm fronds you’d been tearing fibers from to weave the thatch roofing sits untouched.

There’s also no Ryan.

Suddenly he pick it up. His ears prickle at the sound of your laugh.

He launches himself to the left, ears straining to get it all more clearly.

Now he hears a more masculine tenor that mixes and blends with your own sweet sound.

His heart gives a wild clench as he takes several steps in your direction but stops and waits, eyes trained on the curve all the way down the southern shore.

It takes a few moments because you’re still far away. You’re both laughing, saying something he can’t make out then laughing again.

Bucky clenches his fists, metal screeching in protest.

They’re just walking. Keep it together.

He knows that he should keep his cool. You’d just spent all night sleeping in his arms. You’ve spent the past few months with him, depending on him. You’d declared how much you need him and-shit…

You and Ryan round the large rocks in the distance, just as he realizes that he hasn’t told you how much he needs you. How much you mean to him. He’d only just decided that he really likes you and needs to tell you but what if he’s too late?

What if you think you’ve been a burden?

He hasn’t always been nice.

Fuck.

He's taken care of you. He’s made sure that you’ve wanted for nothing, at least in the way of safety and food—though you’ve done that for him too.

Being nice however, he could have done better. He can do better.

You and Ryan get closer and he can see your skin glistening in the morning sun.

You’ve gone for your swim and Bucky’s suddenly full of fearful rage as he considers what must have happened to have you two walking back together.

He can almost picture you swimming in the sparkling turquoise water. Your naked body is silhouetted against the rising sun but he can imagine that every curve of your body had stood in sharp contrast to the bright rays.

Even in his memories—fond memories that he will never admit to thinking about as much as he does—he can see the peaks of your bare breasts. He can see the curves of your hips, your butt, your neck exposed as you throw your head back when you resurface.

His neck feels hot all of a sudden and he burns hotter when his mind is filled with the image of Ryan coming upon such an exquisite sight.

He would have stood on the beach, probably watching you for much longer than you’ll probably ever realize. Ryan probably cleared his throat when he had his fill and you would have turned maybe expecting Bucky?

Bucky hopes.

Then you’d have ducked under the surface when you realized it wasn’t Bucky but with the way he knows you and Ryan are, that innocent lilt in your voice. The meaningless flirting…

You would have come out of the water after having asked Ryan to turn his back and Ryan would have stolen a peek of your perfect form when you’d turned your back to him as you pulled on your underwear and then slipped back into that summer floral dress you’d been wearing when the plane went down.

The colors have faded a little and the bottom is just as torn as ever. You’ve taken to wearing shorts underneath as it seems to keep getting shorter and shorter the more work you do in it, but it keeps you cool so it’s a favorite of yours.

Your hair is still damp, Ryan’s shoulder bumping yours as the two of you casually walk his way.

Ryan leans closer towards you and says something that Bucky can’t hear but he can see the way it flusters you and you reach over to push him away. Ryan is sent sideways, his feet walking into the shoreline where he splashes only a little before he hurries back towards you and nudges your shoulder again but then reaches around to grab both of your arms to steady you.

He drops them right away, responding to the way you curl in on yourself at his touch, but it’s enough of an embrace that Bucky’s heart gives an ache.

What’s wrong with me? Bucky wonders, knowing that he’s completely in love with you but unable to understand how it happened.

His eyes are glue to your pretty face, the stunning smile that stretches your lips as you and Ryan exchange pleasant conversation, but Bucky can’t care enough to hear what the two of you are saying.

Your skin is glowing in the morning sun as it bounces off the layer of tiny seawater droplets.

If he could have thought up the image of perfection, he knows that he could not have dreamt you up. Yet, he knows that you are it. You’re the epitome of his desires and not just physically. Of course, that part of himself has awoken with you always so close and so exposed in the literal sense.

He’s seen more of your body than he has of any other woman’s in his life, ever maybe.

Sure, there’d been a dalliance here and there in the back of a powder blue Cadillac, but those girls hadn’t undressed. Bunch of dresses pushed up around their waists as the fluffy scratchy fabrics underneath had scratched at his neck and face.

Yes, he has enjoyed the sight of you, but it goes beyond that now.

His attachment, his need comes from your own. In your eyes he can see you search for him, needing him just as he does. You’ve become the other half of his heart. The part that had lost all purpose when Hydra had twisted him mind into the Soldier.

Hearts were for beating. Staying alive. Nothing more.

Until you.

Then it began to hurt and pine and want again. It began to soften with affection at every corny joke, every lingering touch, every sweet chuckle.

You’ve wormed your way under his skin and there’s no way he can keep pretending that he doesn’t already think of you as his. Just as he’s already yours.

“…bucky?...Bucky…?” You sound far away but you’re in front of him, walking closer, your mouth moving but he almost doesn’t hear you.

“Is he alright?” Ryan asks, his voice distant too.

“I don’t know.” You frown, concern turning the corners of your lips down. “Bucky?”

“Ya alright, mate?” Ryan reaches over and gives Bucky’s right shoulder a soft slap, but the gesture doesn’t even move his massive body.

Bucky’s gaze is pull to him and Bucky sees red.

~~~~~~~~~~

Your heart is pounding with fear as you watch the glare that Bucky fixes on Ryan.

Ryan shrinks back a step, still looking a bit concerned by Bucky’s strange stoic stare. However, with Bucky’s sudden flare of rage, you’re almost certain that he’s going to deck him. Bucky is going to punch Ryan, right in the mouth. You just know it.

Instead, Bucky marches between the two of you, separating you with his large body.

As he passes he takes hold of your hand, the metal cool compared to the sun soaked warmth of your skin, and pulls you along down the beach.

“Bucky!” You gasp.

“Where ya going?” Ryan asks, turning to watch the two of you go with his arms thrown out to the sides as his confusion grows.

“I’m not-Can you get the bottles of water from camp?” You call back to him, tripping over your feet a little as you try to match Bucky’s pace.

Reaching out, you wrap your free hand around his metal bicep to get more balance.

“Ya, alright.” Ryan calls back.

“Bucky where are we going?” You demand.

“To check the fish nets.” He explains shortly.

“I already did that.” Ryan retorts, raising his voice so that you can both hear him as Bucky pulls you along further and further.

“To get some fruit then.” Bucky counters.

You realize now that he wants to get you alone, so you turn to follow him without resistance.

Bucky doesn’t speak until you’re both far away from the beach by the hut. He turns you into the small break in the trees where you normally come to pick bananas and mangoes.

Dropping your hand he immediately stoops down and begins to rifle through the fallen mangoes, squeezing them gently to see if they are ripe or spoiled.

“Bucky?” You sigh, watching him ignore you for a bit before you sigh and move to help with the fruit.

You’re not sure how he expects you to carry more than two or three with no basket. Minutes pass. Five, ten, fifteen minutes of sifting through fallen fruit before your arms are full and with a sigh you drop them and reach down to rip more of your dress to wrap them up and carry them more easily.

You’re not very careful with your tearing or as precise as Bucky when he did it that first time all those months ago, so you tear too much and the rip on one side runs all the way up your side exposing your skin.

“What are you doing?!” Bucky gasps, dropping the fruits in his arms as he rushes for you.

The plop, thud, plop of the fruits draws your eyes before his massive form is beside you pushing your hands away from your dress. The shorts underneath are more visible now and tattered like all of your clothes. They’re more durable made of jeans, but you use them to do everything so they’re your most worn piece of clothing.

Your arms fall limply at your sides as your patience wears thin. You chew on your lip hard, urging your voice to be even as you look at him, your eyes searching his furrowed brow, those frantic blue steel eyes.

He’s got something on his mind but he’s not sharing and it’s really starting to piss you off!

As he holds your dress closed, he meets your eyes, hesitating to keep hold of your gaze.

“What’s going on?” You wonder.

“Nothing.” Bucky shrugs. “Don’t rip your dress anymore. Don’t you like this one?”

“Bucky…” You sigh again, urging yourself to have patience.

There’s a sudden shift in his expression, an anger that flashes behind his eyes and it only spurs your own on.

Why would he be angry with you?!

“Just, stop showing the pilot skin.” He lets your dress go and moves back to his abandoned pile of fruit.

“Are you joking?! What does that even mean, Bucky?” Your blood is boiling.

“He likes you.” Bucky declares, throwing the words over his shoulder as if you’re stupid not to have noticed.

“I-” You stutter, trying to wrap your mind around his words, what he means, why it matters, what his anger could indicate. “So what?”

Bucky’s shoulders tense.

“It doesn’t matter if he likes me or not. In case you haven’t noticed, I am the only woman on this island, so he really doesn’t have much of a selection. If we were back on the mainland, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t spare me a glance.”

“Is that really what matters here?” Bucky seethes, but you still can’t guess as to why he’s so bothered by it.

Unless…

“He didn’t see anything, alright? He had his back turned when I got out of the water.” You assure him.

“Oh, like that ass wouldn’t peek? You’re very naïve.” Bucky mutters.

“Excuse you?” You gasp, all attempts at bottling up your anger abandoned.

“He wants you!” Bucky insists, rising and turning to look at you, closing the distance with two steps to stand close but not too close. Just close enough that you’re both able to shout in each other’s faces. “Can’t you see that? The way he looks at you, he even asked me if you were taken. He was all happy when I told him you didn’t have anyone waiting for you back home.”

Your heart falls, a sudden realization hitting you as you think about all the sweet ways Ryan has indeed been flirting with you. If you were taken…

“So…so what you’re saying is that he asked you if I was taken and you told him I wasn’t, right?” You swallow hard, fighting the lump in your throat as you see that Bucky—as stupid as it is to think it in this way—hadn’t claimed you.

It goes in the face of what you’ve always believed, that women are not objects to be owned by men, and yet here on this island with two of them here alone with you for who knows how long—possibly forever—for Bucky not to stand and tell Ryan that you’re his…but you aren’t, are you?

Hurt and anger flow through you, making your hands tremble.

Bucky doesn’t answer. You shake your head, unable to accept that he doesn’t want you enough to tell Ryan that you’re off limits. That you’re his.

What has all this been over the past three months then? Have you been so stupid and so delusional that you saw things in his behavior that aren’t really there?

“I need space.” You tell him and without hesitation you turn and walk away, into the jungle to be as far away from this emotional blow as you can.

Only, you get two steps before metal is wrapped around your wrist, pulling you back towards him swiftly and easily as if you’re made of nothing more than feathers.

He pulls you against his chest, metal hand extended back behind him as he does. When you crash against him, he wraps it around your waist while his other hand reaches up behind your head to hold you in place as he dips and kisses you hard.

His arms are vices around you, pulling you tight as if he can’t feel you unless you’re right up against him.

After a few moments of contact, his lips soften, melding with yours gently and tenderly.

You’re breathless as you let him lead, relishing in the feel of his kiss as his lips part and the tip of his tongue coaxes your own open.

You gasp but meet him eagerly, letting your body fall against his. Slipping your arms underneath his, you feel the thick, hard planes of his back until you reach his shoulders and pull him towards you as the kiss consumes you both.

Your body is humming. You can feel every shift of his skin against yours like tingling fire. A burning touch that electrifies you as it shifts in meaning.

This is Bucky claiming you. This is his declaration.

He pulls back, a small smack to his lips as he breaks the kiss. Your eyes are hazy and fogged as you open them, searching his face with only half your mind working while the other still lingers on the intensity of his kiss.

You’re breathless too, and you forget so when you breath it’s a rush of air that makes you lightheaded and you cling to him harder so that you won’t fall.

Bucky smiles, adjusting his grip to hold you steady.

He brings his hand up to caress your temple and then your cheek, sliding a tickling thumb along the still tingling skin.

“Be my girl?” He says, voice deep but low and quiet so that only you can hear. It dives into your chest and warms it further, making your legs weak with not only their meaning but tone and the smooth velvet of its flow.

You swallow hard, looking for more breath where there doesn’t seem to be any. It all feels so unreal. Like your daydream as you’d watched him mix clay and chop wood and every muscle of his torso had rippled and flexed for you and you’d wished he would hold you, just like this and kiss you, just like now.

Somehow, you find strength and oxygen enough to speak. “I thought I already was.”

This confession makes his expression soften; it draws his brow down once again as he devours your face before leaning down to claim your lips once more.

You whimper, so please and so relieved that you haven’t been alone in this. You’ve wanted him and he also has been wanting you.

You break his kiss to gasp for air, “Never let me go.”

Bucky sighs, pulling you tighter—as if that’s even possible—against his chest. His hug is crushing and you know that he’s holding you as close as he can but you want it to be even closer.

“Never.” Bucky whispers, sounding emotional too.

You want to see his face, to see the expression that he’s wearing that makes that voice, but you can’t bear to pull away. Instead you bury your face against his neck as he does the same and both of you simply enjoy the embrace.

~~~~~~~~~~

This shift is dynamic.

The way you and Bucky respond to each other’s presence changes instantly and you couldn’t be happier.

As you walk back towards the beach with him, hand in hand, you can’t help the smile that splits your cheeks.

Each of you chances several glances at the other, smiling wider as you make your way.

“What?” Bucky chuckles, shaking his head as you stare.

“If I’d known that making you jealous was the way to get you to make a move…” You tell him.

Bucky shakes his head. “I think I’d have gone crazy if you’d done anything intentionally.”

You can almost picture Bucky’s rage if you’d done something on purpose, throwing yourself on Ryan just to get a rise out of him.

The idea of you wanting anyone’s touch other than Bucky’s is so preposterous that you really don’t know how Bucky could have believed for even one second that you and Ryan were possible.

“I’ve only wanted you, Buck.” You sigh, cuddling closer into his side as you rest your head against his metal bicep.

Bucky sighs deeply, relieved?

“I didn’t want to…assume,” He begins. “We were the only two here and you’re the only woman? Me the only man? I was so afraid that I’d make you feel uncomfortable if you didn’t feel the same way.”

“You could have asked.” You sigh. “But I guess I could have said something too. I could have told you it was okay.”

Bucky shakes his head. “I-I wasn’t nice to you at first. I don’t blame you for thinking I wasn’t feeling it. It’s my own fault.”

You pull him to a stop, tracing the shape of his forearm. “Bucky, none of this is your fault.”

This guilt he carries around with him about the plane, being marooned here, now his behavior when you first crashed?

“You didn’t know me. You saved me. We were strangers then. I don’t blame you for keeping me at a distance. Especially with everything that you’ve gone through and who you are? It’s natural for you to want to be cautious.” You understand his position.

Being the former Winter Soldier could not be easy to carry.

“But I should have been nicer.” He argues, reaches up to stroke your cheek again.

You lean into his touch, suddenly grateful that he can touch you like this away from the fuselage at bedtime.

Bedtime…holy shit. Your stomach erupts into flutters.

You quickly clear your throat and swallow to clear away the thoughts of how this will change bedtime too.

“I should have been more patient.” He continues.

With a smile, you shrug. “Maybe, but then you wouldn’t be you. I needed the kick in the butt. I’ve led a pretty sheltered life. I wasn’t prepared to survive out here. I’m glad you were stern.”

“Stern feels like an understatement. I was mean.” Bucky argues.

“Why are you so damn stubborn? I’m trying to give you a pass here, Barnes.” You gripe, suddenly annoyed again.

Bucky throws his head back and laughs, stroking your cheek with more affection at the sound of your irritation.

“Oh, man. You’re a firecracker.” He observes but doesn’t give you a chance to respond before he’s leaning in to kiss you again.

You push yourself towards him, eager to kiss him again because you can, and you’ve wanted it for so long. The fervor with which you pull him against you should be embarrassing but you’ve been so starved for his affection and now that you have it, you’re going to take advantage of it.

“I really like you.” He whispers as he pulls away.

Your heart is exploding with butterflies and your stomach flips pleasantly.

“I really like you, too, Bucky.” You smile. “So much.”

He gives you one more quick peck before leading you back towards the hut, hand in hand.

As you approach, you put a little more distance between the two of you but keep your hand wrapped around his. Both of you search the area for Ryan, Bucky probably eager for him to see that you two are now together but as you move towards the clay trough, you spot only the bottles of water that you’d asked him to fetch.

Bucky lets go and moves for them, thirsty.

“Well, at least he’s useful.” He says, taking a drink. “Where is he?”

“I don’t know.” You look around, wondering if he’d one back to the fuselage for something. “Maybe he forgot something back at camp?”

“Maybe.” Bucky says, eyeing the way to camp with narrowed eyes. “I don’t know if I trust that guy.”

“Oh, come on, Bucky. I’m already yours.” You tease and turn to fix him with a smile.

Bucky shakes his head, fighting his own but it only makes him give you a heart-stopping half-smile. Pretty pink lips curved on one side in a new expression that you make note of to demand it again someday.

“I’m serious.” He insists. “There’s something off about it. I don’t know what, but I feel like he’s hiding something.”

“Something about the plane?” You wonder, voice serious now as you consider that you’ve only known Ryan for such a short time.

“Yeah.” Bucky nods, moving towards the clay trough where he immediately dips his hands in to mix the sediment that’s settled at the bottom.

“But he’s so nice.” You counter, feeling sad by the thought that Ryan might be two-faced.

“Most bad guys are.” Bucky mutters sinisterly.

You open your mouth to argue when the sound of splashing turns you towards the shoreline.

Rising from the water is Ryan, shirtless, blonde curls plastered against the side of his face. He wipes the water away and freezes for a moment when he spots the two of you on the beach.

He suddenly smiles, moving towards his shirt and pulls it over his head as he approaches.

“Hi.” You offer, squinting against the morning sun. A quick glance at Bucky shows you he’s standing, hands and forearms covered in clay as he stands watching Ryan too.

“Hello.” Ryan replies, moving towards the two of you with relaxed and easy walk. “When did you two get back?”

“Just now.” You smile at him, forcing yourself to see the kind man instead of the suspicious pilot that showed up out of nowhere.

Bucky’s own worries now seeping into you.

“Went for a swim?” You wonder, looking over his shoulder in the direction he came from.

“It’s hot out here.” He explains.

“Did you find anything?” Bucky suddenly asks, his voice full of forced friendliness. “You went to the cabin, right? What were you looking for?”

Ryan freezes by the small fire pit you and he had dug up a few days earlier to cook food on the beach instead of having to run all the way back to camp.

“I did go there, yeah.” He nods. “I wanted to see if mah bag was still there. I had some personal items I was hopin’ had survived the crash.”

“Nothing too important I hope?” And you really do hope it’s nothing that means a whole lot.

Ryan meets your gaze and fixes you with a tight and forlorn grin. “Some pictures of mah son.”

“Your son?!” You gasp, completely shocked by his declaration. “You have a son?”

“Aye, I have a son.” Ryan sighs. “I’ll go get the fish, ya? I’ll cook breakfast. You take a rest.”

“Now he has a son?” Bucky wonders once Ryan is a safe distance away and you honestly can’t blame him for the suspicion you can hear in his voice.

You really don’t know Ryan at all and now have to wonder how much more he might be hiding.